♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

“To believe in love, to be ready to give up anything for it, is the ultimate tragedy.” - Leonardo DiCaprio

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Hi guys, I know it's a little bit weird that I'm uploading an article on a Monday, but as I mentioned in Friday's article, WHI launched the Recognised Writers Program, and that was something I just couldn't ignore.

In relation to my September 2017 theme/collection '#GIRLBOSS', I decided, to create a new article series on WHI. Again if you haven't really kept up with me last month, '#GIRLBOSS' was a collection to inspire and empower. I wanted to create a visual collection of inspirational for girls (and guys to be fair, I know it's called '#GIRLBOSS' but guys need inspiration too and I see you my lovely male followers). '#GIRLBOSS' also had an underlying theme of revolting against the inequalities that are unfortunately still present in society - in particular, gender inequalities, hence why I called it '#GIRLBOSS'. I'm a feminist. And this collection and article theme series has been inspired by my sociology classes and personal experiences that I feel that shouldn't be considered 'the norm' in society.

For my first part of my article series, I'm going to be talking about love and heartbreak. I personally, have been through a rollercoaster of emotions over the past year with a certain someone and I feel like it is something I should talk about because it's one of those things people go through in life.

I think I've lost the love of my life. And this is a big statement coming from me - I'm not really one to settle and look for love at this point of my life. I've lost him and I'm not sure if I'll ever see him again. Of course, thanks to social media I can still keep in touch with him, but there is only so much pixels and wifi/signal can do. I can't hold him in my arms. I can't look at him when I think he's not looking (when I know deep down, he secretly is ), I can't look into his gorgeous eyes that are so blue, the oceans would be jealous.

The thing is though, we were never actually together, and I think thats what hurts the most. Now he's gone, all I've been thinking is "what if". I'm fairly confident person but nobody in the world has ever made me nervous than he did. It was like he put a spell on me. And that's the thing, he had such an effect on me, that I was unsure if he actually felt the same way I felt about him. To be honest, I'm still unsure. I've asked friends and family if they thought whether or not he actually genuinely liked me, and it was 50/50. Half thought he genuinely did like me the other half didn't.

Whenever a friend asks if I think someone actually likes them, I usually know instantly if they do or they don't by the 'signs' my friends tell me. However, I am ABSOLUTELY CLUELESS when it comes to working out myself. I think it comes from being hurt multiple times in the past, and these insecurities cause me to question everything because my guard is up so high. I'm just so scared that I'll be hurt again.

Right now, I feel like I should (and kind of already started to) try and move on because the odds of seeing him ever again is slim. He's now living 131 miles away from me (yes I actually checked on google maps to see exactly how far he is from me) as he has gone to university. I would appreciate it SO SO much if you guys could give your thoughts about this guy. ALL of your replies will be considered so I can finally decide if this guy is worth fighting for. This is the situation with the boy I've fallen in love with:

I met him in November 2016. I met him in circumstances which weren't ideal and I knew him in circumstances that weren't ideal. We worked together. When I first saw him, I thought he was cute but as I worked with him, my work was my main priority and just accepted that nothing was going to happen between us. Oh boy was I wrong.

This is going to sound really stupid, but I didn't realise the potential signs until about a month later. That's how focused I was with work and how clueless I actually am when it comes to these things. At first I think I just brushed it off, thinking that this gorgeous boy who was giving off some serious cute nerd sorta vibes, would actually ever be interested in me.

When I met him, I had been single for about 8 months. I had known him for only a couple of weeks and he asked, "what are you up to tonight?" and I replied back to him saying, "nothing much" (literally cringing so hard at how lame I am wow) and then he said something that was very very unexpected. "you going to spend time with your boyfriend?" This was weird, I didn't have a boyfriend, why is he assuming I have a boyfriend. Clueless me thought he was just making conversation. I told him I didn't have a boyfriend. Then he asked if I was going on a date tonight. I said no. Then he laughed and said, "yeah, you're going on a date."

The next potential sign is probably the most obvious sign saying that he could genuinely like me. We worked together in a store, and sometimes my parents would visit to buy a few things. That's when he (briefly) met my parents for the first time. Somehow, I was having a conversation with him...and my parents...together....at the same time...the four of us. After the chat, he said the following and no lie, he said these exact words...

"How would your parents feel if we went on a date and how would they feel if I was your boyfriend?"

Of course, clueless me didn't catch on and simply replied with, "I don't know, ask them."

I'm an actual IDIOT!

The following few weeks, it was only my dad who came into the store to buy things, and I would always end up seeing this guy talking to my dad.
However, I had a conversation with the guy that made me realise EVERYTHING he had said previously. However, what he said to me kinda weirded me out and scared me off for a few weeks. We were chatting and out of the blue he asks me, "How's (my dad's name) doing?" My dad never told him what his name was. I mean do I need to explain why that scared me away from him? I asked him how he knew my dad's name, he said it was only a guess. My dad has a very common name (at least here in the UK anyway) but the way he asked so casually made me think there is something going on.

I think he knew I thought the whole thing was weird and things weren't the same between me and him for a little while. But there was something about him, I couldn't keep my distance from him for long. He was charming, charismatic and made me feel special. There were moments were we accidentally locked eyes for a few seconds even though it felt like less.

He offered to help me with work even though he had his own work to do.He always smiled when he saw me. He would often ask to go to the staff room together, just to talk. He noticed the little things too, one time I wore a ring that I hadn't worn before and he noticed that. He noticed that I had highlights put in my hair, which was slighly lighter than my already blonde hair, which not a lot of people did notice.

On one occasion, we hadn't seen each other for 2 weeks (he was on holiday) and I was talking to a customer and he came up behind me and walked past, touching my lower arm and went down slowly from my wrist and turned around and winked at me.

I feel like he wanted to know everything about me, he would always ask me questions and my life and whenever I'd ask him a question, EVERY SINGLE TIME (apart from when we talked about university), he would be very vague and ask another question about me. And he would remember everything, even things I didn't remember I told him.

One time, somehow I mentioned my ex, and he asked about him like who he was and he wanted to search him up on facebook, I decided to change the topic (I mean let's be real, what girl actually likes talking about her ex) but he kept trying to turn the topic back to my ex and aske questions again and again.

However, nothing is ever sunshine and rainbows, we had a very rough patch for a couple of months...

For a couple of months he was acting strange. I felt like he was ignoring and avoiding me on purpose. If he was walking somewhere and he saw me on the way to where he was going, he would fully turn around and take another route so he wouldn't pass me. wtf? This went on for months and started doing it out of nowhere so I asked his best friend (who worked with both us) if he knew what was going on. He told me that the guy told him: "Oh, I'm going to avoid Yasmin today?" Umm..what?

Something that I always felt rather odd about him was that he was a very confident guy around girls and could talk with other girls easily. However, I also felt he struggled to talk with me and he never seemed as confident nor chatty, in comparison with other girls. If I was in a group conversation with him and I spoke, he would ignore me.

The last time I ever saw him in person was on his last day working with me. We were finishing at the same time. The last thing he said to me was "see you later" followed by a wink. And that was it.

So yeah, I'm still very confused. I've had signals mixed as this before, and as you can most probably tell, I am clueless, so please let me know what you think about the situation, It'll mean the world to me you don't understand.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

As this guy is not really in my life at the moment, I've had to deal with the pain that his absence has caused. So this is the part you guys actually care about, how to deal with heartbreak. What I'm going talk about is what has helped me personally. I've had my fair share of heartbreaks and breakups and I know how difficult it can be, so I just want you guys to know there is life and a lot of happiness to be had and you don't need someone else in order to be happy. The sooner you can get over things, which a lot of times is pretty hard to get over things but the sooner you can get over it the better. There's so much out there in the world, so many experiences, so many opportunities, so many people in the world for you to meet. If you are heartbroken and down on yourself and don't pick yourself back up, you're going to miss out on so much beauty in your future so I hope this article helps you guys. Let's get into it...

Tip No.1 - Take Your Time

When you're going through heartbreak/ a breakup, it's really important to take time to greive. Take time for yourself. Cry it out. Do whatever you can. Watch your fave TV shows. Eat your fave foods. Spend time with your friends. Talk it out. Write it out. Whatever is your medium of getting your emotions out, do that. Don't be afraid to feel down and don't feel like you have to go out and socialise and drink and party to get over somebody. Of course, that helps in the beginning (for me at least anyway), do whatever. But, don't forget to greive and don't feel like you have to mask your emotions with anything with alcohol and especially not drugs. Just don't feel you have to depend on something to make you forget. The best thing to do is to allow yourself to greive and thats the key. However, once your done greiving and you feel like you've gotten everything out, be sure not to take too much time doing that. Don't start shutting yourself in, take the time you need but don't make it your life. Don't make greiving or sadness your life. Reading this article is the first step you can take. Once you are done, it is time to start fresh.

Tip No.2 - Everything Happens For A Reason

Instead of seeing a breakup as the end, see it as a new beginning. With every end comes a new beginning. I'm a firm believer that everything that happens in life is ultimately working in my favor. Don't be afriad to let go. Don't be afraid to start a new life without somebody, even if you can't imagine yourself without that person. Understand that there is a reason why it ended. There's always something - new opportunities, new experiences, even a new relationship maybe (even though I don't recommend jumping into a new relationship after heartbreak). There's something new for you out there and there's a whole world waiting out there for you. That's why you can't get hung up on the past. Even though it's hard to understand, there is always a reason. You're going to look and realise why things ended - because it was the beginning of something new. And embrace the future, embrace leaving the past. Leave the past behind you and don't turn back. Leave the person, leave the experiences, leave everything. There is somebody amazing out there for you, somebody in your future at the right time and at the right place, you two will meet and everything will make sense. The world has so much for you, even if you don't believe it, even if you don't think it nor see it, I promise, the future has so much in store for you. You've just gotta open your mind and open your heart to it and don't be afriad of love.

Tip No.3 - Bye bye!

Okay so, now that we've switched our mindset and we are ready to start new and we are ready to move on even if you feel you haven't - everything takes time, everything takes effort, so even if you're not 100% there right now, this next step is very important, and that is to get rid of all traces and memories of this person. If you have their things in your house, give it back to them. Photos? Delete them. Just get rid of everything. Unfollow them on social media. Just don't leave traces around, If you really want to get over somebody, it's not going to help if you keep looking at their profile pics to see if they are with somebody else. Take a social media detox if you need to, just get out of the mindset of being stuck on that person. If this person is still reaching out to you or texting/calling you - block them (unless you absolutely have to have contact with them, minimise your contact). The best thing to do is cease all contact. It is hard at the beginning because they are all thats on your mind, but I promise, once you make an effort to remove them, and nobody can do it for you, not me, your parents, your friends, your dog, only you hold the power in your mind to forget somebody, do anything to keep your mind busy, just get rid of all traces of them. And in time, you WILL get over them. It also helps to recognise all the bad things they did/negatve traits, because a lot of the time we tend to romanticise a person who we have feelings for. So yeah, clear out all traces of them for a clearer mindset.

Tip No.4 - Focus On Yourself

This is probably the most important tip for you guys, I can even make a whole article on this if you want me to (let me know!)

If you are constantly chasing somebody and neglecting yourself and trying to make someone love you and you're neglecting your health, your life, wellbeing, your finances etc. , you're going to be in a really bad place, not just emotionally, but your whole life is just going to crumble around you, so even if you feel you're not in the right place emotionally, take time to take care of yourself. If you haven't done anything for yourself, just do little things for yourself. Always remember that you are very much complete and whole and perfect on your own. You are born an individual, you have your own life, your own identity, your own dreams, your own everything, separate from anyone else. Don't feel like your missing a part of you, and that part of you being another person. Don't ever lose sight of the idea that you are all together on your own. Don't ever feel like you need to be with someone in order to feel complete. So do things like joining a gym, learning something new, do things you are passionate about, start eating more healthily, don't binge on things like takeout or alcohol. Make sure you take care of yourself before anything. You are your only home. Our physical health is synonymous with our mental health, so when we take care of our physical health, it reall helps with things like depression and anxiety. If you have anxiety, I highly recommend you work out and take care of your body, limit your caffeine and alcohol. Just focus on your wellbeing and focus on improving yourself. Don't be afriad to make a change, whether that is getting a new hairstyle, changing up your look. Don't be afriad to be a new person. I think its just so empowering when you change. Change means growth. You never know what the changes you make will take you, any change (regardless if its big or small) will shift your path in life. If you feel like your life is stagnant, in a bad place or a rut, make a change - always.

So I hope these tips helped you guys. Let me know if you have any other tips, or if you want to me to make more articles like this. Also, please share your thoughts on this guy who is sort of in a bit of a situation with - the more advice the better. I really hope this was a got introduction into my SIHOH series, I plan to make more articles in this series in the near future so keep your eyes peeled. Talk to you guys soon.

Lots of love, Yasmin

xoxo

© All original content copyright @HeyMyNameIsYasmin, 2013-2017