So, I've thought about writing an article about anxiety for a while now, and more now since I know that theres so much people suffering this disorder. I'm no scientist, doctor whatsoever but I have anxiety and I know what it feels like, and let me tell you, it feels like absolute shit.

Ever since I was born, I've had anxiety. Why? How is that possible? I feel like anxiety is developed by the whole environment your surrounded by, I was born into a torn family, my mom, she wasn't in the best place at the time and I guess I sort of lacked of love, of the feeling of safety and confidence. And I'm pretty sure, thats one of the most important things in a baby's life, its what makes there personality once you mature. I guess that could be something that influenced in me.

When I was growing up, my parents would fight so much, it was scary, no, it was heartbreaking to listen to their fights in the middle of the night. I had so much built up emotions, I was so insecure (still am) . I would cry over every little thing at school, I would be laughed at because of how much of a "crybaby" I was. That didn't help me at all, it would make so insecure, so sad, so depressed. And, I'd get anxiety attacks so frequently that even I would get so overwhelmed.

Having anxiety attacks is the worst shit that could ever happen to me, how your throat shuts and suddenly you can't breathe, how your brain starts to poke at all your insecurities and start inventing things, how you'd cry so hard. And some people get attacks differently, but thats what mine were and still are.

And once my parents finally separated, my mom decided to move out from where we lived, and you know, it was the best decision we ever made. I suddenly felt like I could breathe, and for once my anxiety attacks decreased, now I'm not saying my problems decreased too, no, I had even more problems, but by this time, I learned to cry in silence, I learned to fake a smile, I learned how to lie and say "I'm fine" and you know, its sad to know that, its heartbreaking to see a person develop such painful strategies and it hurts me to know, that once, I used to be like this. Anxiety sucks, it just makes you go crazy, everything makes you insecure and scared.

I once had these fake friends in middle school that would always criticize me, and the worst part is, they'd do it in front of me, they'd laugh and maybe I'm crazy, maybe it was the anxiety talking, but I could've sworn they'd talk about me and laugh about me. Guys, I swear I suffered so much, this is a story I might tell some day, but this is just to give an example of how anxiety fucked me up. I'd cry in the bathroom, I had to run to the bathroom, the moment I felt an attack, 90% of that school year was spent crying in the bathroom.

And yes, I had depression too, I just had a hard journey. But, I overcame it all, one day I looked at myself in the mirror, looking like a dead skeleton because I also lost so much weight, I was so unhealthy inside and out. I no longer knew who I was, and once I realized that the girl I saw in the mirror wasn't me, I felt horrible, lost, angry and I did something about it. You might ask? Did you ever have the thought of killing yourself? Yes, I did. But was too much of a coward to do it, and thank god I didn't.

I finally decided to distance myself from all those negative people, I finally accepted that no matter what I do, what brands I wear or who I hang out with, those people will always find something to criticize me for, so I said fuck it, I want people to like me, for me, and if they don't, then clearly they don't belong in my life, so I cut my hair, I paid much more attention in school, I started to hang out with a great girl, which I owe the world to. She's amazing really. Anyways, thats besides the point. I started to go back to the things I loved to do, things I stopped to do to please others, and once I started to do them, I asked myself why I ever stopped doing them in the first place. I also started to take care of my eating schedule and sleep schedule, I gained weight and got healthier. My under eye circles were fading, I still have them just not as bad.

I for once could smile for real, I could laugh and I discovered my real laugh. I found the greatest friends that till this point still keep in touch and we hang out at least two times a week. And for once my anxiety dropped, my self-esteem is now up to the sky and not deep down, I'm genuinely so proud of myself, for once I feel comfortable of myself and I don't let one bad day ruin my whole life.

So the point of this story was to inspire someone out there, to let you all know that, we have the power to make ourselves better, no ones opinion is more important than your own, don't let anyones opinion influence your own opinion about yourself, if you feel beautiful, then fuck everyone else, you are gorgeous, you rule your own world. And yes anxiety is tough, but we can battle it, I still have anxiety, I feel like everyone in this world has some percentage of anxiety in there system, just some of us have it worse. But just know, you can do this, you are the most important person in your own life. You do you, and life will be in charge of giving you what you deserve, it might take a while, but it will come I promise you. Karma is real, and I've experienced it, all those people that ever did me wrong, got exactly what they deserve, not that I wished it upon them because I'm not that type of person, but yet they got what they deserved.

They say, what goes around comes around.

Just make sure you spread positivity in your life, and thats what you'll receive. You got this, just believe in yourself and prove all those that don't, wrong.