I used to think we were inseparable. We'd spend everyday together at school, but now that I think of it, in the end we never saw each other outside that damned building.
We bonded with our humor and interests. I was never sure why you hung out with me, in looks we were not on the same level, never will be. But you still cared for me.

friends, girl, and travel image

All those late nights when you were drinking, I was there to make sure you didn't do anything extremely stupid. All those chats you had with the boys you liked, I heard about them. All the heartbreak that he caused you, I was there to comfort you. I was living those typical teenager moments through you. But then again, I wasn't interested in living them myself, so I just lived as your shadow, spectating your actions.

girl, blue, and dark image

She was there too. It was the three of us, against everything. First her and me were closer. Then you and me were closer for change. And then she wasn't a part of us anymore. She found the right people for her, who she was so similar with. You and me didn't mind. Or atleast I didn't mind. We were still us.

friends, 90s, and monica image

Except we weren't anymore. I was there when you were drinking, but I knew you would take care of yourself, or someone else there would. You stopped telling me about the new "him". I was being me and you were being you, in the same space but so, so far away. I almost told you one day that I didn't think we were close anymore, that maybe we should try to fix this or just give it up.
But I was too afraid that you would give up on me.
I'd be all alone.
And that is what I were.

quotes, alone, and movie image

Vacation. No school. So we didn't talk. And I thought it was okay. I had always been fine being on my own for a while.
School started. I wasn't in the best mood on the first day. I walked in to the class room, and I didn't say hi. Neither did you.
So many times I've wondered, if I'd just said hello, how would things be now.
Would I have still stayed and still be friends with the ones that I didn't belong to. Ones that didn't truly understand me.
I told myself over and over again that you weren't good for me. You didn't treat me right. I nearly, just almost believed that.

quotes, sad, and depressed image

I was depressed. I had been for a while, but I didn't really know what it was. I don't know when or why it started. The only thing I fear, is that you caused this to me. That losing you made me lose my mind. That you were too important to me, when I felt that you didn't care about me at all.

And I don't care about you, I tell myself,

but why am I crying while writing this?

journal post 8th of october, 2017, 5:47 am