It was around the end of the school year.
Every students prepare for their last battle.
I was on my last battle.
I'm not dying, no.
Battle because what I'm about to tell you is how I struggle to overcome what I fear most. And how I mostly failed.

It's not too long ago, when I found this amazing activity at school.
With their costumes, their phrases, their talents...I fell in love with it.
I fell in love on how amazing you can pretend to be someone You're not.
But above all those positive things, I became depressed. I never knew how it happened or why it happened.

I never knew what happened to me.

I started fresh, great - everyone complimented me.
I mean I thought I was great.
I wasn't .

I became the talk of the town
"The girl who can't act at all."
"It's just a simple role."

I hid everything.
The cries
The lies
Everyone thought I was doing fine
They didn't know that I was dying inside
That I became afraid of tomorrow, of waking up. Of starting a day without the idea of tomorrow.

I became afraid of doing new things without knowing the result.
I became a scared little girl that used to be so fearless.

She said I am not enough
She said maybe you are trying too hard
She said raise your voice, but not too loud
She said freely speak up, but try to limit your idea

I just got scared
I felt I was nothing
The thought of being able to be happy makes me scared
Because everytime I feel happy, there's a consequence

I wish I could be happy more
i wish I should've enjoyed little more
i wish i could've laugh a little louder
i wish I could have smile a little wider

i wish it ended up in a different way

-emmasthoughts