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Around three years ago I started "recognizing" my body. I can still remember when I turned in the mirror and thought "do I really look like that from behind?". Since that day I have constantly been conscious of my weight and body in general. I have never been "big", but instead slightly curvy. I am much aware that curves are something you should embrace, but I can't. I always compare myself to the pretty girls on Instagram and random girls on the street and I hate myself for that. I'm scared. I'm scared of people looking at me. I'm scared to wear certain clothes. I'm scared of myself for thinking like this.

One day I sat down in front of my computer and typed in "how to lose weight". And I have to say, that was one great mistake of my life. Suddenly I became an expert in everything workout and diet related. I started to read articles of starvations, and that it was the fastest way of losing fat. I became obsessed. Though I can't say I had an eating disorder, I sure was very close to one.

Even till this day, I feel really bad and sad when I eat too much and feel full. I feel guilty when I eat sweets and when I don't work out. I still wish I could look like those fit Instagram girls and I still don't wear clothes that reveal to much skin. Sometimes I don't eat much in school and then binge when I come home.

I want to feel happy about my body, I really do, but it's hard. Really really hard. But I think I have made some progress. I now work out because it's fun!

I also eat healthy, not because I want to lose weight, but because it makes me feel good. I have finally learned that your weight only is a number. A stupid number that doesn't say anything about who you are. My goal is to stop worrying so much and enjoy life more.

I hope you enjoyed this article and maybe it helped you in some way. Please message me if you have experienced something similar. ♡

With love,
C

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