#WhiChallenge Day 4

Being sick I couldn't physically write and post yesterday, as my body and my nerves couldn't agree with me.
But as every flowers, with a little rain, I will rise to the sunshine and let my colours explode and smile for me. ( even though right now, I'm still sick)

girl, aesthetic, and beige image

Anyway, Here we are, for day four and the things that make me the most happy right now.
I have to be honest with you, and myself of course. Last year has been very difficult and yet one of the year that made me the happiest. Though right now, mostly because my nerves are not feeling quite good, I can't find five things that make me happy. But I know for sure what to say about :

What are the things that made you the most happy since you felt like you could finally find yourself ?

Believing that I could be happy with who I truly am...

Being true to ourselves is perhaps one of the hardest thing to do, even to realise we should do. I had trouble growing up, I always felt like I wasn't good enough, and always felt the unconscious need to be like everyone else to be loved. It actually felt good most of the time, having cool friends that I looked up to. I was sure I was being part of something real and honest...

quotes, nothing, and grunge image

When I think about it now, it breaks my heart to realise that everytime I got drunk was because unconsciously I was following a path which wasn't mine.
Summer 2016, I took time for myself and did what I should have done earlier. I looked at myself and realised :

Why are you doing this to yourself ? Treating yourself badly because you consider people's judgements and love more important than loving yourself. You deserve to love what you see, you deserve to feel like yourself. You deserve to feel confident in your body.
book 10 things i hate about you

And I worked on that, the whole summer. I came back to University after losing eight kilograms and in the hope to lose more because this is what I needed and wanted. I was proud of myself, because I loved who I was seeing in the mirror, I knew I was on the right path, on my path.
I lost friends this year, friends I cared for, but we both grew up and didn't know the other anymore, and from what I saw, she didn't want to know me anymore... But I'm not angry anymore.

mommy, music, and freedom image
We don't feel the need to be angry at someone else when we're finally not angry anymore with ourselves.

Today, I'm proud to say that due to this loss of friendship I didn't lose anymore weight during the school year but right now I lost two more kg, and even though the last one is because I'm sick and can't really eat properly because my throat is sore I'm happy, I truly am. I love to see the numbers every morning, I take breaks sometimes and treat myself, but no matter what, I'm happy with the person I am right now and happy with who I'm going to be. I truly wish that for all of you, and If you relate to this part of my story and feel the need to talk, I'll be more than happy to listen and talk...

birth Superthumb beach destination

Finding friends who loves what makes you unique
This one is truly a friendlove letter to my Queens, though they may or not read it. All of what I'm writing here... Well they already know it. As I previously said, last year has been one of the most difficult yet happiest year of my twenty years of life. And the happy part of it, I simply dedicate it to my queens, my group of close friends.

Is she/he going to accept me ? Accept the fact that I'm not the person I was yesterday and I won't be the same tomorrow ? Is she/ he going to encourage me If I told him/her that I need to do that or this in order to feel good about myself ?
adventure authenticity

My Queens did. And yes it may be the fact that I'm sick and usually cry a lot while I am, but I can assure you those tiny tears on my cheeks are happy ones...
They have been there for me from A to Z, cheering me on when they could see on my face that I was hiding my pain, we drank mojitos together and I never felt so happy and relieved while drinking ( I used to be quite morose when I drink before, and cry and well you see what I mean).

aesthetic autumn best friends Superthumb
It's in those tiny moments, in every morning and afternoons we spent at coco ( which is our name for the colombus, a cafe in our city), it's in every laughs during classes while we shouldn't have been laughing, it's in every time we call ourselves Queens, it's in every “ you slay babe” or “ nope, that doesn't suits you” that my mind was in the moment, and not floating between the past and every of my regrets.

I'm looking for honesty and the acceptance of who we are in someone else's friendship. I didn't have that before, apart from one of my very close friend Zoë ( this is her fictional name in my novel) I have from High School who was always honest with me. Apart from her, I don't think I've ever had friends who wanted me to be true to myself.

It's funny, I believe that what makes me the most happy about their friendship is how different we all are yet this is what links us together and why we truly want to understand each other's pains and sorrows, and how we genuinely wants every Queens to be happy.
I'll never grow tired of saying how wonderful and beautiful they are.

friends, summer, and sea image

Writing articles on We Heart It

I want to thank @TypicalGirl48 for creating the 30 days get to know me challenge, and may not be following it completely, I still believe this was a great idea. It may only be only the fourth day in my personal 20 days get to know me challenge, I already feel like sharing pieces of myself and my story is helping me in so many ways.

black, reading, and books image
First of all, I consider myself as a writer, and I also believe that most of us have a writer sleeping somewhere inside of us, who waits for us to wake them up.

Writing, at least for me, is a therapy. I'm always torn apart, with so many things, words, and emotions going through my mind at the same time, I end up feeling lost and tend to internalise things which doesn't have good consequences on me. Though I already acknowledged that I am not the best writer, I really want, at least someday, to know that my words combined together, my story, or my character's stories ( when I'll finish my novel) can touch someone out there, make them smile, or wonder : what's going to happen next ?

book, light, and library image

At first, I was hesitant about writing articles on We heart it, but as days passed I read a lot of articles and felt like a lot of people actually went through the same feelings, the same doubts,... And I just felt like this was the right time to write, to share and just see what's going to happen next.
I honestly didn't expect to have hearts on my articles. And I believe right now I'm lacking words to express how this makes me feel, Happy ? Way more than that ? Joyful ? Again, way more than that..
It makes me want to write the whole, to talk to you all, to free myself from burdens I've been carrying, to be the writer I want to be...
So thank you for that, truly...

And thank you so much for reading

With All my love,
B.