Hello Everyone,

I would like to write about my feelings right now that may help those who have the same or almost the same problem.

Well, I got my first real job 1 month ago. It was really hard (I'm a kindergarten teacher), and earlier I thought about that it's not the right way for my depressed, anxious, un-healthy mind. I was very neurotic in the past 1 month and it left mark on my accomplishment. I made a huge mistake, so my boss just fired up me.

One day after this, I sent my CV for 4 or 5 kindergartens and they called me back for an interview. But yesterday I cancelled all.
It's so awful: I need a job because I have to pay for a flat where I live in, and there are several bills... But I just can't be able to go an interview, being kind and happy, or just seems like I really want that job. Because I don't. I don't want to surrended by people at all, I don't want to play a role, I don't want to being someone who I am not in these times.

I'm blamishing myself, thinking about my little-group, my colleagues, and after all: why always me? I can't let go yet my first workplace what I loved. And now it seems unpossible to go a new workplace, be conformism, be concentrated...

But: it's okey. I have to live my feelings, I have to be sad, I have to cry. And I need time to figure out what's next. Worrying never solved any problems. It's okey to give a few days to ourselves to get through these embarassing and annoying feelings. And I know how hard it is, but we have to find some motivation to move on.

I can write a lot about my case but I think this is enough at this time.
If you have questions or it would be good to make a convo, or just want me write articles like this, send a postcard/message! :-)

Have a nice day to every brave human beings out there!
#chinup

xo,
Cs.