I wish I could say that I'm happy with my life. I have roof, I have food to eat everyday, I have a room of my own, and I have both my mom and dad. Some people go through worse things than I do. I wish I could say a really good reason to why I'm depressed and see the world a way that nobody can, but I don't. Honestly they're the littlest things in life that can be fixed easily, but it seems for me that they're the ones that tear me down the most. Sometimes one tiny thing can ruin my day so much that I immediately think that suicide and maybe disappearing might be the answer. Deep down inside me I know it's not because I know there's people here that care about me and will go into an eternal sadness and guilt if I take my own life. It upsets me that depression and anxiety can sometimes get the best of me and take control of my life. Knowing that I'm much stronger than this and knowing that if I was able to defeat this battle with my head once, I can do it again. Even if people tell me that I'm strong, I feel like the weakest person to exist. I'm clumsy, I'm sensitive, I'm emotional, and I'm too nice that I feel like people take advantage of that sometimes to make them feel good about themselves. Becoming a cold-hearted bitch may be the only way to not feel pain again, but honestly, what good will it bring you at the end? Maybe it's a way to survive emotionally and mentally and it's part of our instincts but it is hard sometimes because we imagine ourselves being in that situation and knowing that we wouldn't want someone to shut out on us so being a good person is all that we got. But you can't expect for good things to come back to you, cruel moments must come to your lifetime to see who we truly are. And those moments gives us battles with depression and anxiety and other mental illnesses. Some of us survive it till the end, some of us don't. Giving up doesn't make you a coward, but it's not the best option. You must find yourself between all this pain, mourning, and sorrow. It's not permanent and maybe when you fin yourself again, probably you'll become a much better person. Maybe I'll become a better person in the future. I'll be able to help out people in the medical field like I always, be able to find love again, and give out all the love that I have inside me someday. What I'm trying to say is that, there is a good reason behind your life and even if it seems like there's no point in living your life, there is. It's just pain that will be temporary and an obstacle in life that you're strong enough to get through.

Stay strong, don't give up, keep fighting, and just stay alive
~ Tania