I hate him so much. I hate that he made me into this pathetic person that need to have reassurance all the time. I am not strong anymore, because of him. Why did I let him affect me that much? Now I am screwing everything up and it’s my own fault for letting previous history condition how I feel about myself.

I feel like I will never be able to let my guard down, ever. Still, he realizes there is something wrong, something I am not telling him, and he is right. But once it’s out there in the open there is no turning back, my walls will be down and I will be exposed. I don’t want to be that vulnerable again, not for him to pick up the pieces and tear me down once again.

I hate him for having made me feel this way, but I hate myself even more for allowing it to become such a part of myself as to ruin everything else.

There is a constant voice in my head saying: “See? He doesn’t want you anymore”, but what can I do if I have already fallen for him?