So...there's that boy...

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it's the way he looks at me with that intense brown eyes, the way he tries to make me laugh, the way he touches me gently to make it look like it was an accident, the way he smiles and winkes at me, just the way he talks to me so different from the way he talks to others, the way we flirt with each other without getting to serious and the way...he holds my hand last friday... that was the big problem... we are friends - JUST friends. We're not supposed to do something like that.

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Especially because he's in a relationship since 4 years. I don't want to destroy their relationship so I abstain myself very well that no feelings could grow for him. And the "not more than friends thing" worked perfectly for me the whole time..until friday. We sat next to each other in school and watched a movie (just normal stuff) but somehow it was different. All the flirtations and looks we gave each other didn't felt just like jokes as usual, it felt like there was something between us

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...we ended up holding hands - something we had never done before. And now here I am: totally confused about us and my feelings... I start overthinking if there was more between us the whole time and I have never noticed it or if I'm just overacting.

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You have to know he's that "casanova"- type of guy so flirting with girls is normal and not serious for him. But the way he behaves when we are together isn't the same as he behaves with other girls. Maybe he fell for me without wanting it.... On the other hand I think he loves his girlfriend very much but after 4 years it got boring for him so maybe he tries to spice his lovelife up with me?

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I'm confused as hell but I allready know that there will be no future for us. He won't break up with his girlfriend and I don't want him to do this for me either, I would feel terrible if he would because I would have been the reason for their broken relationship.

I think the only way to handle it is to behave as usual. I will never talk about that with him...hope we will JUST BE FRIENDS.