How do you define dad? Google defines dad "one's father". I define dad as someone who looks after their children or even someone else's. A dad is someone who will always care about you, give you advice, be overprotective about you dating, making sure no one or anything hurts your children. But how do you protect us from yourself? You don't. Sometimes it feels like you have good days, like things are going to change, but they never do. You're someone who I'm supposed to look up to and be proud to call you my dad. Nowadays, everyone tiptoes around you. You lash out about everything. It baffles me how mom can still be with you. I've never been able to come to terms about what happens behind closed doors. But I am now. Dad, you emotionally and verbally abuse us. You'll laugh if you ever read this. Because in your eyes you do no wrong. But I don’t know how many times you’ve pushed me over the edge. You make me want to get far away from you, but I never could because I cant leave mom here with you. You made me doubt my self worth. I've gotten used to the name calling, but what I cant get over is the empty threats. We all know they're empty, but sometimes I wonder if you do really want to leave us. From a young age you’ve always told me I wasn’t your daughter, I know you're lying. But deep down I wish I wasn’t sometimes. I cant count how many times you've pushed me into depression, or how often you trigger a panic attack. When I stick up for myself, things just get worse. I so badly want to tell you off and leave. But you're the main income for our family and I couldn’t do that. You are such a narcissist. You know what sucks though? It doesn’t matter how badly you treat us, as soon as someone talks badly about you I get mad. I don’t want to get mad but I do. Because there are days when I think everything will be okay, you prove to us that everything is okay. But the next day you're yelling about me forgetting to clean something. You constantly put me down, always make me wonder why I cant do anything right, make me feel worthless. But I still tell myself that I have to love you because you're my dad, but I really don’t. And I hate myself for feeling that way. I want to hate you with everything I have, but I know ill never be able. We used to be so close, watched nascar on Sundays and football on Saturday. We were buddies. But now I cant even look at you without flinching. This isn't how anyone should grow up. To be honest, you broke my heart way before any boy had the chance to.