I was trying to let go since the last week of August.. I always hated August .. it's a bad luck .. I hate summer as well.. last August I've lost him.. the only guy I've ever loved.. truly loved .. I didn't love him for the way he treated me .. or for how much feelings he had for me ..

I loved him for who he was.. with his flaws and unstable temper.. I accepted him ..never asked him to change.. I tried to make him feel better whenever he felt down.. I really tried to take care of him.. but he kept saying he was no good to no one .. he pushed me away trying to protect me from himself.. the last time we talked he was so cold.. he just said he was not suitable for any relationship (even though he started the whole thing with me ) .. and I was trying to deal with that .. I've been suffocating .. it's like he was the air...

I've never built such a deep connection with any other human being... the thing we had was real.... he was a supernova ..and everyone else pales in comparison to him .. he has left what we had to burn.. insisting to stay at his loneliness.. he won't let anyone help him.. and in the end .. I have to accept that .. I was waiting for Autumn.. our favorite season to come and take him away where it takes the fallen leaves and warm sunshine...

I went on a date with another guy at the very first day of Autumn.. it was a coincidence.. it was a great coincidence actually... and I think I'll keep dating the new guy.. but deep down inside I know .. as long as there are Autumns .. nothing will ever stop me from remembering him ...

maybe no one ever will read this .. but I'm really happy I could get it out ..