Hi. I live in Seoul, South Korea. I feel like it's finally fall here. Fall is my favorite season. English is not my first language, so please mind the grammar. (Is this a right term?) I don't think a lot of people are gonna read this anyway though....I feel like I'm just writing this for myself, because this is the only way I can express myself these days. So, I've just gotta ramble here......
When autumn arrives, there's just a lot of things in my mind. If you love autumn, you might know what I'm talking about.

1. I love you dad. No matter what happens, no matter how much you hurt me, I will always forgive you and love you.

2. That guy I liked in my freshman year, I told you it was Suhan, but it was actually you. You may already know that. That feeling lingered a few years after that and it still kinda does.

3. We were never really "friends". I always hated whenever you talked about your girlfriend. I always tried to be this cool girl, who is just okay with everything, but I never was a "cool" girl. Fuck COOL

4. I miss my mom. I don't really hate her. I know she left me and now she has her own great family. According to my aunts and grandma, I am supposed to hate her, but I really don't. Whenever people asked me, "Don't you miss her?" I always said, "I don't. I haven't seen her since 7 and it feels like she never existed." BUT actually.... I always missed her. I wish I had a mother even though my dad was a perfect mother for me....

5. I am a feminist because I truly believe all sexes shouldn't be discriminated in any way because of their gender. Plus, I just don't want to be treated like shit. At the same time I wanna be prettier and thinner. Sometimes, I just hate ladies in Seoul because they are so rude and jealous about each other. They care too much about dumb things. Then I realize....I am one of them.

6. Maybe I'm still not over you even though I know you are an asshole. Or maybe I'm just lonely. Yes. There it is. I am lonely. The independent, cool girl you always thought feels loneliness.

7. I want to be a writer. My major is engineering and I am not creative and I am not very good at writing stuff, but I just wanna be......

8. What I wanted from you was not sex. I wanted your commitment. I was really hurt when I found out you had a girlfriend.

9. I want to be a mother.

10. I always say "Fuck what they think about you! Just do what you want to do!" But I actually want this world to recognize me. I want this world to know me better. I want you to know me better. This 'you' includes you and my dad.