I have been suffering from depression off and on since sixth grade and right now I'm in ninth grade. I have tried to reach out to people and get help from my friends, family and I have been to therapy. No matter what I end up falling back into my severe depression. I have so many scars on my arm from self harm obviously but my depression drove me to cutting myself. I have been self harming for a few months now and my family hasn't noticed. The other times I cut myself, they didn't notice either, they found out. The very first time I started to cut was in sixth grade. I had been cutting for a few months and eventually stopped on my own. I was stupid and emailed one of my friends about it. One day my older brother went through my email and found out that I had cut myself. He told me that he was going to tell my father and his girlfriend, at the time. I was punished and was told that I was a mess up and my father was so disappointed in me. That had made my depression worse and my father didn't even realize. He did so many things to me that I will never be able to forgive him for when I was in sixth grade. During seventh grade I was one of the happiest people alive, I had so many friends, I had great grades and everything was going great for me. Then came eighth grade where I went back to being severely depressed. I cut so much in eight grade and my dad never found out until one day my gym teacher asked me why I always wore my sweater and I just said that it was because I sweated too much and I didn't want anyone to see my sweat. She didn't believe and sent me to the counselor's office where the counselor told me to show her my arm. The counselor had me call my mom and tell her that I was cutting again. Yet again I was punished and my dad was like why do you keep doing this to me. You aren't depressed daughter, there's nothing wrong here at home or at school, and you have great friends. He didn't realize how I was barely able to keep up my grades based off of how I was treated at home. I was grounded for three months each time my dad found out that I was cutting. I am now in ninth grade and I cut almost everyday. I started cutting again during the middle of the summer and I had to wear long sleeves. My dad always thought that I was crazy but never suspected that I was cutting again. About a week ago I came out to my dad that I am agender and pan-sexual, he didn't seem to be that mad but it got worse. His girlfriend told him that I am just going through a phase and that I am not actually this way, I am just trying to fit in. This made it to where my dad won't let me change my name or cut my hair the way I want it. He is starting to treat me horribly just because his girlfriend has a problem with the way that I am. The other day, during choir, a girl in my class presented to the class about her depression story and said it was just because she was a ninth grader and that she was a stupid little freshman. She also said that it was because she had a little brain and that she was jealous of other people who where in relationships. She had triggered so many feelings that I tried to forget about that I have had since sixth grade and I went back into my severe depression. I tried to tell my dad's current girlfriend and she just told me that I'm going through phase and that everything will be better in a couple of days. She told me that I don't need to feel the way I feel just because I saw a presentation over the girl's depression. I tried to explain to her that it was old feelings that came back up and she told me that things are fine and that I'm just going through a phase. After she told me that I went to kitchen and took a knife and started cutting way deeper than I have done before. I know that there is a slight possibility that I might get better again but I doubt that I will get through my depression this time but I strongly believe that my life will end soon.