and everyone says chicks before dicks
"the girl code"
Everyone told me to never let some guy get in the way of my friendships, but what if it wasn't entirely my fault?
I told him AFTER they stopped dating because he was my best friend and didn't want to lie to him. Remember I said WAS, long story short he threatened to kill himself so I freaked out. Somehow the cops got involved. He hates me now. I am trying to accept that. ANYWAYS, I gave him a notebook explaining how I was coping, my stories, lies i've told to people I loved, etc. I poured my everything into it. One of my best friends (who had dated him) read the book. In it was a chapter where I told him I had a crush on him. It was dumb I guess to tell him that. It was so long ago but I wanted him to know EVERYTHING. I hated the idea that he thought I was lying to him.
Now he hates me
She hates me
But not as much as I hate myself. So what I'm going to do is write out every page of the notebook into an article. I don't care if anyone sees it. I need it to be....heard. Or better read I guess. Maybe someone will understand. Tell me if I can fix this. Or if I shouldn't bother trying.
I am so tired of being sad
And sad of being tired.
This isn't the life I wanted.
Or a life anyone probably wants.