Well it took me some time to give me the confidence that it is for posting this article and that also works out for me:)

This is something that i lived for two years of my short life, hopefully you get to understand.

It all starts with problems at home, for example:
1.the birth of my brother
2.the fights between my mom and her boyfriend
3.the guy i liked

(i will not say names out for respect to this people)
This guy was my best friend unfortunately i had a BIG crush on him, every day i had to listen alll those stories about the girl he liked he thought she was beautiful, and they started dating. I had a lot of hope that one day their relationship will end and he finally would like me, but no. He said he wanted girls thin. I wasnt thin or fat, i was just a curvy girl, but not thin at all, i was a crazy girl so i stopped eating and also cutting my arms bc of the fights with my mom (dont change for a boy, trust me one day a cool and cute guy will love you and you'll be happy) he was the first that knew that and he told me that i should'nt do that he gave me a lot of peace, until my mom knew it and she went crazy, she told my dad about it and the BOTH BECAME CRAZY (it was terrible).

My friend ended his relationship with his now ex-girlfriend so i was extremely happy but he was sad, so he would not be interested in me. Then a rumor came out, it was that i was in love with him, I obviously deny it, but he pulled away from me with the intention of "not breaking my heart".Although I know that he did not with evil, that he went away broke even more my heart,then I did not know about it until my birthday, where he sent me a message for instagram 3 days later. And once again because I'm stupid I came back to him, we sent messages every day, until the period of classes began again, we were in different rooms and again I stopped talking, I really do not care much since I made new friends as at 3 weeks later I became more attached to me as if we were boyfriends but no, it was very strange, he told me who loved me but did not tell me "do you want to be my girlfriend?" it was already the last week of the course, in exams he was failing math, everything was going bad, except things with him. we left the school and instantly we sent messages (something cheesy for my taste lol) all day and all night. but everything ended in the break when we stopped talking, a week later I discovered that it was because he thought I wanted to be his girlfriend, we stopped talking officially for a few months, and hurt like a thorn in the back. after a few months we started talking again, only as friends, and I did not look at the rest, then I realized that I was tired of fighting against myself, against him, against my parents, I did not want anything I did not want him, I did not want to be thin, I did not want to have horrible cuts in my arms. I just wanted to be happy, maybe with him, maybe being thin, maybe without my parents.

I was looking for happiness, but what I found was happiness in the other, I wanted that happiness, or that they shared a little of their happiness with me, it was not like that.
I recently found it, exactly two days ago, and I'm writing this because I'm 51% sure that I actually did it, I found it with a boy, maybe he was also looking for his happiness, and in the end we found it together, as if we were one.
(so cheesy omg)