Yesterday I had my first car crash, I guess it's something you really can't avoid after you get your drivers license, if you drive...sooner or later you'll crash. I wasn't the culprit, and I couldn't have avoided the crash at all. I was alone too, since, well, I usually like to drive alone. After I left the car I was shaking non-stop.
Shortly after, everything was taken care of, and the night continued -- I knew I wouldn't get much sleep in that night, but somehow I fell asleep despite my heart beating like a hammer. I dreamt that I was in my couch, and you were right by my side, but it wasn't a memory -- we were starting over! We were talking about how insane this year had been, how we went different paths, how we did completely different things, but we still ended up there, in my couch. And in this dream I had completely forgotten about the car crash, it was as if it never happened, I could remember everything else that happened this year, but not the crash!

My subconscious knew I had to relax so that I could actually sleep that night. And instead of placing me in a world where I was filthy rich or in a world where I had my dream job -- it took me to my house, to my couch, with you. You and I were sitting exactly where we usually sat. And oh god, I was in a bliss. My subconscious knew that the place where I was more calm was with you, so it didn't remind me of a memory of us two, it instead tried to fool me that you were actually there.
But then, I woke up with only 4 hours of sleep, my heart was already racing again and the pain came back, not only because of the crash, but because of you, because you're never in my god damn couch.

Just know that if I ever stop writing about you, it means that I've carved your name into my skin.

VR, J.(2019) .Car Crash. Vol. 1.Rushed Texts