Is it strange that I have always believed that sanctuary= yoga+hot green tea? Or that happiness is only achievable if you look or act a certain way?

Why did I think that happiness couldn't be a fat girl with blue hair walking around campus by herself? Why did I waste all my time glorifying mental illness, letting it control me even longer?

Let's talk about the media for a second. Or better yet, let's start with the stigma associated with mental illness.

Recently I have become more active on campus and I attended a NAMI meeting (National Association of Mental Illness), and I found myself hesitant to tell my friends about going. Why did I feel uncomfortable? Maybe it is because psychological disorders like depression aren't openly discussed as often as they should be. Maybe it's because those that do openly discuss mental illness are associated with being weird or crazy.

The media doesn't acknowledge people with mental illnesses as actual people. No, that would be too easy. Instead, the media labels these people and puts them in shows as criminals or portrays them as unhelpful to the situation. The media is just now starting to recognize that people want to talk about mental illness! And what I think is worse, the media is going to glorify having a mental illness and use their marketing to sell more self-help books and dieting pills and fat shaming and fake body positivity and white feminism!!!!!

Society is capitalizing off of the people that they marginalize!

Well guess what? I have depression and it is shit, it is not pretty to feel alone, it is not beautiful to hate life, it is not cute to have been suicidal.

STOP FUCKING ROMANTICIZING MY MENTAL ILLNESSES!!!!

Happiness isn't doing yoga. Happiness isn't being skinny. Happiness isn't having friends to follow all the time.

Happiness is being comfortable with yourself. Happiness is typing an essay on a bench outside because the temperature is just right. Happiness is smiling. Happiness is not feeling alone. Happiness is literally anywhere you look. These things that I just listed are the things I find happiness in, but even if these aren't your favorite, you can find happiness in anything!!!

My happiness is realizing that no one is watching my actions like I thought they were; that I am not under constant scrutiny. That I can walk around campus in the sunshine and be at peace with myself and my body.

Happiness is finding your own personal sanctuary.

I am my own sanctuary.