i don't understand what this is. how i can be so happy, everything is good and i feel loved and finally i think i'm good enough then somehow as a flash from the bright sky i start to feel like shit, like i never was happy at all, like everyone hated me, like i never gonna be good enough. i just wanna cry my eyes out, i just wanna scream my lungs out of my body, i just wanna be gone...

i wanna tell my friends about it but i say nothing. i'm so scared they wouldn't understand because even me myself can't understand what it is or how to stop it. so, all i do is just smile even i'm feeling dead inside. they don't see it. so sometimes i think "are they really my friends if they don't notice it". or maybe they do but don't say anything about it because they know i'm gonna denial it. or maybe they just don't care.

the feeling what i get is hard to explain. it feels like umm you know when your stomach hurt? little bit like that but nothing like that. it feels like you're falling a big endless hole. sometimes i feel like i wanna die but i don't. i'm not letting that happen. not yet. in my mind is so much thoughts that i'm not sure can i take all of them.

i have trust issues, like really bad trust issues. and i hate it. i hate that it's so hard for me to trust people and i hate that it took always so long that i think it is too late...

i talk much but i'm not very good telling people if i feel sad or something like that. i'd like to talk about it but i just can't, it's too much i think or maybe i'm scared that they judge me about it because "there is nothing wrong about your life" or "there is people who has worse past or life than you, so stop complaining all the time".

i need a life. and now you all are like "you have one" but no i feel like i don't. i don't have a life. because in life you should have dreams, goals and know even little bit what you wanna do with yourself now and when you're getting older. in your life you should be motivated, you should be motivated to live your life. so i don't have dreams or goals in my "life" and i don't have no idea who i'm or what i wanna be. and honestly sometimes i don't even be motivated to live my life...

stupid. that's what i am. stupid. i'm not good at school, i'm not smart. i'm not good at focusing only one thing in my life, i'm not girlfriend material but i'm not cheater either. i'm not good at taking compliments, i'm not as pretty than my friends. i'm difficult person. so difficult. too difficult.

messy hair, messy room, messy girl, messy mind and messy life. even though i brush my hair every day and almost every hour it's still just a big mess, like it would be living his own life. you can walk to my room and look at it and not see messy at all but it's just a cover. in real it's so messy that i can't find some of my stuff. what would be a messy hair and a messy room without a messy girl. exactly, nothing. but how you can be a messy girl without a messy mind and a messy life. same answer, nothing.

girls like me (if there is girls like me) don't know how to live the life but it's still living it matter what. they don't end it because deep deep inside them they know that there is people who care about them. people who would do anything for them. girls like me don't let another person fall apart because they know how it feel to be lost and feel like shit. girls like me really listen rather than talk even though it doesn't look like it. girls like me need help but don't wanna it because they are scared no one will ever understand. girls like me don't have a life but is still living and trying to find one, the right one.

- the sexteen