"Wake up you need to make money"

this vers has been in my mind for 2 weeks now. Everytime I had a daydream or delusion of a peaceful life in japan with possibly a japanese husband, this freaking vers kept creeping behind me every second.

It makes me cry and get depressed so much you have no idea. How much pressure and responsabilities I have on my shoulders and I'm not even married with children but a simple woman in her tweenies trying to find and herself and be indepedent once and for all.

life and quotes image

What if I get stuck in this hell of a dreamless world where what only counts is "Make money". Cash certainly help you but they don't give the pure feeling of being with an understanding family or groups of friend. I'm 24 and still haven't fucking realize any dream of mine. And when I do, it's not what I expected it to be. So I have to adapt. LIKE ALWAYS. I'm always the one that has to adapt to people and situations. ALWAYS.

alone, bad, and cry image

It's true I have some moment of peace of mind when I'm on the net or just while listening to some music. but I have the bad habit of overthnking stuff and daydreaming whenever something happens. They, my parents, sibling and some friends have never ask me if I'm happy with my life. is not a casual question I know. but they never ask me about it. only strangers on the net has ever ask me about it. and strangely it was more easy to answer to the question than I thought.

Some of the girls my age just get marry and looks satisfied with the direction their life is taking but I don't want to end up in a marriage only for convenience, money or other plausible but unsatifying reasons. On the other hand though I don't want to wonder pointlessly for the rest of my life.

illustration, japan, and Shinjuku image

I dream of a peaceful life in japan, away from the stress and anxiety. I dream of a place where I don't have to worry about this person or that person, whether is a relative or not, without regrets. I dream, all th time because it's the only think that doesn't cost money. I just close my eyes and I'm there. As a free girl. As a fashion designer. As a teacher. As an opera singer. As a mangaka. As everything I want with no limits.

so, sometime I ask myself if it's really worthy to wake up in the morning everyday. will something change? like for real?