I was going to kiss you tonight. Who asks someone to meet them at the lake and doesn't have some other idea besides having a heart to heart or making a confession?
I had to stay to clean up, but I made it in time to watch the sun set with you. We weren't sitting on that fake rock long before a park ranger kicked us out. I wanted more time. But you had a prior engagement.
A date. At 9:30. You told me this as you left to go home and change before the lake. And I thought, oh great, again. Because it's a new girl every week it seems. I tease you and call you a slut, and you joke about how sexy you are. It's how it goes.
The lake was to be my escape if I needed one, if today had been too hard to get through. I brought chalk to write on the rocks too, thoughts, feelings, song lyrics. Maybe things my brother would have said or liked or drew. We didn't have time to walk to the rocks. But the crickets chirped and I enjoyed your company.
But I didn't kiss you. How could I when you literally had another girl waiting for you? Remember calling the last one "F-ing gorgeous"? Well she wasn't. She was plain and average. But I didn't know her. I do know that you need someone who will be able to see how big your heart is. And if you think you've found someone, I want to know that she appreciates you. Anyway...

After we drove home, separate cars, I sent you a text about how I'd had a difficult time last night dreading today. And you said you'd always be there for me. And I said I'd always love you for that. And you said you wished Sarah loved you. And I said you'd just be on to the next if it didn't work out with her. And you gave me your famous "she could be the one" line. And I told you that you're special to me and you'll always have at least one girl in your life that will stay.
And you haven't responded.
Because you have a date, I guess.

I want to say what I want. Because that's how my brother lived, and that's how we should all live, within reason of course, and maybe just a few days a week. And I don't want to fear what you'd say, or do.

So many scenarios of today plagued me in the days leading up to it. So many sad fears, things I thought I would feel, think, do. But I survived the day with flying colors. I have a video to edit together. I have tons of videos to make actually.

I hope your date went well, and I hope you had fun. I hope she was nice to you, and you planned date number two. Maybe she'll come to BWW with us on Thursday. Maybe you'll buy her a ticket to our Kingsmen 3 showing next Saturday. I never thought I'd like you, considering I'm dating your best friend. But brains don't work like hearts do.

Brains think, hearts do what they want.