"I'm terrified"

"of what?"

"that I mean nothing to him now, that he doesn't miss me at all. mostly that I'll never get over him,"

I paused to see if my best friend was going to drown me in platitudes and generic advice but he was silent.

"I've moved on, it's been three years now and he's half the world away. I've loved other boys but I'm scared I will never love anyone in the way I loved him. somewhere out there is the boy that made me feel truly alive for the first time. I keep thinking that it isn't over and I still believe in our happy ever after. maybe we were so broken that we couldnt fix each other, because that's what love is really; the art of mending another's soul. or the walls around our hearts were just too strong, but in time I think we could have slowly broken down those walls, if we had been patient enough. it's that thought that's killing me; what could have been. I don't know, I'm petrified he doesn't feel the same way. do you think he talks about me? even thinks about me? fuck, I guess I'm just wishing he was here"

the sun is starting to rise in the distance and I can hear the first birds beginning to sing.

after a sigh my friend whispered, "you'll never get over him, he was your first love, no one ever really gets over their first love. but sometimes people who love each other just can't be together. and that's the greatest tragedy of all."