heyy so i just wanted to go on a quick lil rant about something that's been bothering me for a couple of years now so yeh

basically, you probably don't know this, but i'm asian, chinese to be more specific. buttttt i've grown up in america my whole entire life. now i'm adopted and have therefore been raised by a bunch of white people. so until about a few years ago, i always considered myself white. i mean i always knew i was chinese and born in china but i guess i was like really naive and all but ya know like i said my whole family is white and i live in an all white community (plus i'm lowkey like an infant 15 years lol don't judge) but idk i didn't really see skin color.

but of course i was made aware of my race by uglies in school. i think it was in middle school when i first really really knew i was different than my friends. i mean there's always been subtle clues or something like ya know those hand games you played when you were little and at the end you touch your eyes and go "chinese, japanese, indian, american" well that made me cry once but i didn't know why.

OK BACK TO MIDDLE SCHOOL yeah so in middle school it was all eye jokes about how i couldn't see and how i'd eat everyones dogs and all that ugly shit. now since all of my friends were white, and i mean all of them, i would just laugh it off b/c at the end of the day they're just "jokes". it even got to the point where i thought so lowly of asians where i would initiate the jokes myself.

not gonna lie i was embarrassed of being asian and i'm now currently disgusted with my past self. i hated my eyes and how i couldn't do those really intricate pretty smoky eyes with cat liner and i know it sounds so pathetic and just tragic but that's the mind of an insecure middle schooler for ya. i also hated the fact that people would assume i was a geek and a nerd and could only play piano and was really "asian". if i'm being honest though i was and still am lmao. legit i got them really good grades, i played the piano ever since i was 6, and i liked starwars and pokemon and some animes. so in order to rid myself of my "asianness" i dumbed myself down, i stopped watching geeky stuff, and i quit piano. i'd go out pretty late and hang w friends instead of studying and all that.

AND I REGRET ALL OF THAT HOLY LORD I DO. i wish i didn't stop playing the piano since music is such a big passion of mine and i wish i kept up with my grades b/c i know i could've learned to be a much better student. i'm in my 2nd year of high school and i'm just disappointed with myself.

here's a nice plot twist to the story: i started to love myself and embrace the asian! well it all started hmmm around freshman year. basically freshman year all my friends started to drink and vape and smoke weed and all that (which there's nothing wrong with i just don't wanna surround myself w that kind of stuff i prefer a more idk healthy lifestyle?) so yeah i separated myself from them which was pretty hard since i was just starting high school. my sister (she's chinese too and 4 years older than me) showed me kpop to cheer me up i guess.

YES IT'S SAD IT TOOK KPOP FOR ME TO STOP HATING MY OWN RACIAL IDENTITY BUT THAT'S WHERE THE MORAL OF THE STORY COMES IN YA KNOW. ok so yeah she showed me some kpop videos and tbh i hated them at first. i've known about kpop for like a couple of years since my sisters been a kpop stan for years before. whenever she played it though i hated it. i thought it was artificial and manufactured and they all lipsynced and i just didn't understand it. plus i was a 1d stan lmao. anywaysssss yeah she showed me blood sweat and tears by bts and boombayah by blackpink. i didn't like either at first especially blackpink. boombayah was just way too colorful for me. but somehow bst intrigued me and i went into my room to research them myself. i fell in love with jimin and his eyemakeup i mean what a man. i also am a sucker for good aesthetics and we all know bst is aesthetic overload.

so yeah skip a couple of months later bts owned my ass and then i found other groups and exo (my ult group) and now i'm whipped. in this journey though i learned a lot about asian cultures and the beauty of it. i also saw that not all asians were "nerdy" and all that ik i was so ignorant but this is a coming of age story. so yeah i've been a kpop stan for almost a year like 9 months and i just feel more confident being asian.

AND THIS IS WHERE THE MORAL OF THE STORY COMES IN. YES ASIAN REPRESENTATION. before kpop growing up the only remotely asian figure i had growing up was jackie chan. don't get me wrong i love my man jackie but he wasn't exactly the person i'd model myself after. also i wasn't a kung fu master. so yeah i idolized basically every race but asians. i saw beyonce, ariana grande, selena gomez, and all of these beautiful women from races that weren't asian. so yeah i just assumed asian people weren't that gr8. AND THIS IS WHY REPRESENTATION MATTERS OKAY. if we're not going to see it we're not going to believe it. i would have never in a million years though that asians could sing or dance or model but look where i am now.

if asians were truly represented in the media as something other than the nerdy side kick or kung fu masters than i'd love my identity much sooner than i did. PLUS ALL THE MEDIA I'VE SEEN ON ASIA WAS HORRIBLE. like china is full of dog eaters with the yulin festival and north korea were dictators and asians were flat and have no booty in the age of the ass.

BASICALLY @ HOLLYWOOD GIVE US ASIANS OUR TIME TO SHINE. KPOP IS SLOWLY BRINGING REPRESENTATION TO THE WEST BUT VERY VERY SLOWLY. I REALLY AM TRYING TO SUPPORT THEM SO THEY CAN MAKE IT BIG HERE BUT WITH WHITE SUPREMACISTS AND EUROCENTRIC PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE OTHER LANGUAGES AND CULTURES MAKE IT SO DIFFICULT.

HOLLYWOOD STOP WHITEWASHING US TOO LIKE SCARLETT, MATT DAMON, EMMA STONE, AND ETC I LOVE ALL OF THEM AS WHITE CAUCASIAN ACTORS NOT ASIANS. THOSE WERE ASIAN ROLES YOU STOLE OKAY. AND CALLING ALL ASIANS AN ENTIRE RACE "UNEXPRESSIVE" MAN SHUTUP.

HAVE YOU SEEN ANY ASIAN ACTORS THEY MAKE ME TEAR.

thank you for listening to my rant. asian representation matters. all poc representation matters. stop whitewashing us.

with love xx
let us asians shine