there used to be days I felt paralyzed by guilt, like monster was holding me down. I would always convince myself that things went wrong because of me and this led to one of the darkest times of my life.

I have made stupid mistakes but the worst choice I ever made was giving people too many chances because I would always blame myself. now I've realized that my friendships with these people were toxic, and that I was being emotionally manipulated with threats of suicide and self harm. while this realization doesn't take away the pain of this experience, I am learning to forgive myself because I know now that what happened was not my fault. and I no long wish for a time machine so I can change how I dealt with the situation I was in.

so to anyone who is struggling to move on from a toxic friendship like I had, please remember that you have to put yourself first and if someone is making you unhappy, you have to leave. especially if this person starts to threaten you with hurting themselves, believe me I know its the most difficult thing in the world, but you have to leave. this is emotional blackmail, and it is unhealthy.

it is not your fault and you should never feel guilty for looking after yourself. surround yourself with positive people who help you forget about the past, because its behind you for a reason :)

(if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message my instagram account - @ l.aur)