Today is a very emtional day for 2 reasons: 1 two years ago my Grandmother died. It was the first time I have to deal with death in my life and it was really painful. I remember those difficult weeks in which everything was so surreal, I was in shock for a month or maybe more, I cuoldn't feel anything and then I felt everything and they were a lot of feelings and changes in my life, plus I had to deal with a break up, now I see those memories so far like if those things happened a lot of years ago, like if that person I was died some year ago. I have a lot of emotions right now, but I don't want to feel anything or remember anything because is so painful and I don't see the point.

The second reason... today in my country we celebrate "Love and friendship" is like Valentine's day in others countries, and I feel kind of sad because everyone is in that love mood and I'm super alone, I thought this was going to be the first year in I don't know how many years I'll celebrate with a boyfriend, but well I'm again single and heartbroken, I feel sad I'm trying so hard not to but is really hard I'm having of this toughts of this fucker having fun today and celebrating with someone else and it's sad. It's also sad that I spend 4 years with him in an on and off relationship and we never spend this date together, we were always a part in this date I don't know why but well ... I woke up with all the attittude thinking that your are the one who decide to feel sad or happy but now I feel like that's not entirely up to me and it's 1:38 pm like I have a full day of torture yet!

I would do everything I can to feel not sad and I hope this day will end really fast! I'm feeling worst that I tought I'll...

X L <3