Most days my autism does not bother me. In fact I usually really enjoy the the way I get to experience my life because of my autism. But not today. Or this week even. I am in my third week of college and to be entirely honest, I am not enjoying it like I hoped I would. In high school I had few friends and did not really fit in. I would not say I was an outcast and I was not bullied, I think I was quite liked my the general population of the school. But I did not fit in the way everyone seemed to because of my autism. But I made it through and I'm happy to say that graduated on a good note. But leaving high school I was determined to change the way things were for me in the school setting. I thought about it all summer, this time I would finally do it. So I arrived at college ready to take on what ever was thrown at me. Unfortunately, autism can not be willed away and soon enough I was back to where I had always been. No friends, missing out on social occasions and excluded from group conversations and that thing that everyone else seems understand about talking that I never have. The days are longer then high school and the classes are bigger so I am exhausted by the end of the day with trying to keep up with all the conversations and lectures and assignments that there is no more room for me to even think about changing who I am. I guess that is what I have learned so far, being away from home and surrounded by new people. You can change your surroundings, your appearance, your diet, but not your nature. I don't think I fully understood before leaving home how much my autism actually affects my life. I mean, I knew it was there, that it would never go away and that I would always have to live my life a bit differently from the average brain functioning human. But all in all, the social stuff is pretty much the same no matter where you go. I am as much alone as i was in my own home. Simply because of the way brain that grew inside my head. Most of the time I avoid feeling sorry for myself because it is often ineffective to any issue and hate is often less helpful. But today, sitting alone in my dorm room, receiving snapchats from the rest of class about all the fun they are having with out me, I hate my autism.