Date: 6/20/17 (Inspired by the book To All The Boys I've Loved Before by Jenny Han. My situation isn't love, but the letter-idea is what I mean to use.)

A lot of my crushes start off with admiration. Trust me when I say that I hate it when it grows into a full-out crush. However, it sucks big time when we're practically strangers. Way worse than being friendzoned! Yeah, I'm saying that! Because when you're friendzoned, at least you're friends! Yeah, just friends, but AT LEAST friends, NOT strangers you see in the hallway whom you know very little about.

Anyway, let's go back to when we weren't exactly strangers. We were classmates. (I mean, we still are, but like, I feel like we're strangers even though we know each other's names.) I had you in homeroom, I think, but then acknowledged you when we had our rotation classes in grade 8. I remember we were assigned to create a super hero of some sort that would benefit our school or community, and you made this incredible sketch with amazing details. It was cool. You were cool. And then I kinda forgot about you after some time. Frankly, I think it was because when I was walking home and you were heading the opposite direction, I said hi, but you didn't say anything back. Either my "hi" was too soft and you didn't hear me, or you chose to ignore me. I kind of withered that time. Like a flower with no water, and just sun 24/7. .-. So much for taking a leap and attempting a friendship, or acquaintance-ship of some sort.

Okay, now fast forward where I have you in my Social Studies class in grade 9. You blended in quite well with two of my other close-to-becoming-friends, and one elementary friend. Actually, I kind of forgot who you really hung out with at that class... But, you were cool there too. Like, I don't know, chill (as the trendy people call it). Is it weird that I won't forget that one time one of my friend's asked about your abs, and you raised your shirt in a way that - I don't know - was maybe played off as — flirty? I dunno, I could be wrong. Maybe you were just showing off in the non-conceited way, but instead for laughs.
Anyway, yeah, you did that. I didn't have glasses on, but my friend was cracking up with a blush on her face, and her eyes "covered" with her hands. I didn't pay you any mind cuz I don't go for abs. I was definitely caught off guard though, and slightly flustered. It's not every day you see something like that in class. We were in the library corner where our teacher didn't see, so s'alright. But seriously, whoa.

Basically, in grade 9, you were still chill. (Hearing, or reading that word coming from me is so weird. I never was into that kind of lingo.)

Now we're in grade 10, and I was awestruck when I saw you play volleyball in gym class. At first, it was like, "whoaaa, he's really good." But then the more rounds we had, the more times I had to be on your team, and just playing or watching you play was really cool. You looked cool. You were cool. Again. Then just like that, I started noticing you. (Does that sound mean? Haha.) I had you in Science class, and on the inside, I was smiling and frowning at the same time. By the end of the day, I found that I glanced at you too much. Then, upon coming home, I died internally: I had a crush on you. Unfortunately, it hasn't stopped to this day. I still have the entry where I concluded that — whatever it is. A crush.

You popped up a lot in my mind. I suddenly got wary of if you were looking at me, and if you were anywhere around me in gym class. (Because in Science, no one would put the effort in turning around to glance at someone, hahaha. In your case, that is.) I would try to play it normal, but it just wasn't the same anymore. I noticed you, and things were in a different light. If you're wondering, no, I don't picture weird, couple-y scenarios. I can't do that, it's embarrassing and weird. Er, in my opinion. I don't daydream, basically.

I wonder if I struck out to you, E. Like, ever. I don't blame you if you don't, I am a highly unnoticeable person. That, and we're polar opposites. You're athletic, and I'm an introverted bookworm. You hang out with that crowd, and I don't. We don't cross paths, unless it's in gym or Science.

I wish I'd gotten to know you more, so that we could at least hold a conversation. I honestly wish I'd never gotten a crush on you so that we could actually have potential to be friends. You seem funny. I don't like saying these, but your laugh is also pretty cute. But with the possible way I've been acting, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm trying to avoid you. Sorta. I want to get over you. I don't mean to avoid you in the I-don't-like-you way, but quite the opposite. I just want to be friends. Someone you can casually say hey to in the hallway, or ask a question to without coming off weird and out-of-the-blue.

However, I can't go very far in the friend lane because I know close to nothing about you!

I've got you in my most awful classes, which makes attempting to be friends all the more worse. In Science I'm not doing well anymore. Gym, I'm practically a cripple. You don't know how much you effected my gym mark... I'm so half-glass in gym, which shows my bad side. And I want to show my good side to you. But I never can, because we don't do badminton often... pouty face

If I ever tell you that I like(d) you, I don't want to be anything more. Most people think that after a confession, dating comes next. Well, guess what? No. I don't want to be a couple. (Frankly, I don't see myself with anyone, haha. That, and I will only start dating in college or uni.) I don't want to go out with you. I just want to be friends, because that's what comes out of an admiration-crush for me. I just want to know you more, talk to you, and... yeah.

Well. Maybe in the next grade, E. I hope to learn more and become friends with you.

Never to be sent but from,
"Azziral"