Just wanted to get some thoughts of my chest- sorry if it doesn't make sense I'm not fantastic at putting my thoughts into words. To be honest, this is basically me giving myself a pep-talk. I think I'm going to make 12 AM Thoughts a series... thoughts? This is long sorry not sorry?

Every night thoughts and questions about everything go running through my mind, desperate to find an answer or solution. I question what my purpose in life is.. what am I supposed to be doing... what do I want to be doing?

I think about the perfect future I could have.. where I can be doing everything I love and makes me feel most alive and happy. Reality then slaps me straight across the face when I realize I cant just have that future given to me. I have to work for it. But how? Where do I start? I'm so young and have no idea where I should go. How will school help me? Will I be good enough? Is this really what I want to do? What if I realize I don't want to do this?

I want to do something that will make me so unbelievably happy and safe and alive and connected to the world. I want to meet people who makes me see the world in thousands of different perspectives. I want to meet people who make me question everything I thought I knew about life. I want to experience things I never thought I would. I want to go on crazy adventures around the world without a plan for the next day. I want to live my life how I want to.

But its so hard to chase after your dreams and goals when you are being told every single day that you should choose the logical. plane, boring, and "right" goal that will give you a job that you will hate, but you'll make a living right? Because that what's life is about right? Taking the comfortable and safe route right? Just forget about what you truly want to do and get a job that will give you money right?

Do not EVER let someone try to tell you how you live your life, or tell you you're making the wrong decision. If you truly love something.. chase it and never let it go! Too many people in this world are so unhappy because they aren't doing what they love. I'm so tired of seeing people being scared of what others will think if they change their entire life and start focusing on themselves and what they want.

"I don't know what I want to do?" trust me, you will find it. You just have to pay attention to what makes your soul feel alive. Do something that makes your heart race with adrenalin.. something that makes you smile to big your cheeks are aching with pain but you don't care one bit, something that makes you jump out of bed every morning, and makes you want to go bed because you can't wait to see what life has in store for you the next day. Take risks. Express how you feel about everything. Always be honest to yourself and others. Impact others and the world, actually, better yet, CHANGE THE WORLD! Speak up for what you believe in! Spread love and kindness wherever you go! Do something that will change your life for the better. Walk away from bad vibes and bad people. YOU have to make yourself happy for YOU. Love yourself and love what you love.

Let me know if you guys would want me to do more of these! It's very therapeutic and helpful to me and I hope to all of you!
- And if anyone ever wants to talk about anything, I'm here! Please message me if you need someone to talk to! -Amanda :)