It's actually pretty strange to be around you every day for so long in school. Not due to the fact that I still have feelings for you. That is NOT the case. I don't love you anymore. I don't miss you anymore and I definitly don't want to replace you're current girlfriend. I don't want to kiss you anymore and I don't feel the need to hug or smell you. However I still think about our kisses, our hugs, your cologne. It's a strange part of the process- of getting over someone- to be in. Because it comes in waves. Some days it feels like I'm totally over you and I treat you like every other boy from school when we sit next to each other. But the other day, I think about what we've been through, about all my 'firsts', we did together. My first date, my first real kiss, my first 'boyfriend'; or however you would call what we had.

That's actually something, that's contributing to this strange feeling. Nobody, exept for my closest friends know that we've even been together. No one else knows that you were my first 'boyfriend'. I don't really know why, but sometimes it actually hurts even more, to know that no one knows how hurt I was. Not in an attention-seeking way, but it just hurts to know, that someone can be such a horrible person, that someone can hurt someone else so much, without anyone noticing or knowing. Like, if we have to work together in a group project, the other members don't have a clue what happened only three month ago between us. They don't know, that eventhough at this moment we can't really look into each others eyes, we once went far behind that.
And it is actually pretty annoying that you were able to make me feel so bad about calling us a relationship, that I can't say "Boyfriend" or "Relationship", without putting it into quotation marks. After all that happened, after our dates, after our kisses and after all your lies, I am so embarresed by me being played with, that I don't have the heart to call it what it was: a relationship. It was a relationship, in which you fooled me into thinking you had feelings for me, too and which you wanted to keep a secret, but that doesn't change the fact that at one point, maybe only for a minute, you had to have feelings for me! Because I saw it in your eyes. Just for a small period of time, but there were moments I looked into your eyes and I saw something you might call love.

Anyway, there are other days I'm totally okay with seeing you. I'm okay with smelling the cologne you once asked me for my opinion about and I'm okay with seeing the hickeys, your current girlfriend gave you.
And there are other days, following up, that it all gets too much. Days that I curl up in my bed, thinking back to how I felt with you. Days I feel your lips pressed to mine, exacly the way you did it that night. Days that I think about what we did in your bed, which lead to me actually, truely wanting to throw up.

But besides all the thinking about you, besides all the ups and downs, I finally realized that you don't own any power over me. Of course, my mind still fades to the thought of you, but that's not because you still have any power over me and my thoughts, but because I, myself, direct myself to think about you. I guess I do that because at some point in our relationship I was happy and you made me feel good. I guess I just want to get that back.
But it's not you. You don't own any kind of power over me anymore and to be honest, I don't want to have you in my life in any kind of way. Because you are in no way contributing to the progress I want to do in my life.
You are a boring, selfish, fatuitous person and it took me long enough to realize that.
So please, just fucking stay out of my life forever. Because I don't miss you, even on days I think of you, because there is nothing to miss about you. I just miss what we had, not who you are. Please, stay happy with your current girlfriend, stay out of my fucking life and tell her to not call me ever again, I'm in no means a threat to her!

Signed, your ex
xo