Dear you,

One thing I never told you is that I was not interested in talking to you when you first texted me. I was only trying to be nice, but it's true what they say that once you get to know someone, once you spend considerable amount of time with them, they will eventually grow on you. And you surely did.

You were not perfect, hell you were not even my type. If you had appeared on my Tinder page, believe me, I wouldn't swipe right on you. But, I gave you a chance anyway. And never have I ever in my life fallen so hard for someone like you. The way you made me feel, the way you made my day, made what I didn't consider pretty about you even more beautiful. I took you for who you are. All of your flaws were also surprisingly the ones I loved about you.

We were so great together. I could count on one hand how many times you upset me and there weren't many. The laughter I shared with you outweighed the pain I endured because of the distance between us. It suddenly didn't matter because I thought it was better than spending my life without you in it. But, not recently. The past week to be exact.

I knew you were someone else when I talked to you. You let me think we were fine when we were dying inside. I knew we were falling apart when you started disappearing on me. You told me where we are right now was a huge issue, not necessarily the distance, but what would follow if we kept trying to be together. I pleaded with you to stay with me, to try with me one more time because you kept trying to bring us together all by yourself. I begged you, with tears in my eyes, on the phone with you for hours. But, you kept pushing me away, telling me you would only hurt me even more if we insisted on being together.

I believed you. But, I didn't give up on us. Then, I thought it was me having to fight this time, searching for help in any way, I tried every way I can to keep us together. I told you there was a way, I could come to you, even though I didn't know how. Yet, you still didn't approve of my idea. It's like you didn't want me anymore.

And that night you told me you had someone else in mind and that what you said before was all lies. Only to make you appear a hero when truthfully, you just no longer had me in my heart. That was what you told me. Although until this very second, I honestly doubt the latter reason.

I didn't know which one to believe. I wanted to believe your first reason because I knew you loved me and that you tried to keep us together, but when you kept pushing me away like you didn't want me. It only led me to think that my guts were right about you and someone else. But, you were so genuine when you told me your heart was broken too. I swore I could even hear you cry. But, when I caught you lying to me, maybe you did tell the truth.

So, I let you go, because I couldn't put myself in the position where I had to compete with someone else, because if you chose someone else, then that only means I wasn't enough for you. I wasn't enough to keep you with me.

But my life after you is still full of buts. When I told you I accepted your decision, that I wished you a happiness, you sounded like you still put hopes for us in the future. Until this very second, I still didn't know what to believe. My brain believed your last reason. My heart still wished you sacrifice yourself to be hated, so I can let you go and find myself a better future, without the long wait and delayed overwhelming happiness. And there are other possibilities, like perhaps your family didn't give us their blessings because we are different.

I guess I was so full of confidence that you were the one that I got a terrible shock when you left me. Or I was a complete idiot who can't stop being fooled by men.

But, baby let me tell you this: even after you hurt me like this, until I could barely stand on my feet and hold myself together, the beautiful memories of you still remain in my heart. It doesn't make the wrongs you did right again, but it made what you did to me somehow didn't feel so bad. If you asked me to fight with you, I would do it, over and over again. Against the distance, against the duration of time, against anything.

I didn't choose to love you. I just simply did and still do. And I wasn't with you because it was easy. I knew from the start it wouldn't be near easy. If only had you known, I would never choose easy over you. I didn't want just the easy part. I wanted to go through thick and thin with you because I was with you. Because when I was with you, I could do anything, even the impossible.

And just so you know baby, you were worth every inch between us and I would fight it with you, if you let me. Because I have never loved somebody this much and been broken like this in such a long time that I had no idea how to let go. Perhaps if you could just tell me the truth, you would put my heart at ease, I would not be left wondering which one is the truth.

I wish that one day, truth will emerge and maybe, just maybe you will try to find me again. And I hope it will not be too late.

Love,
Someone who used to feel so loved by you and be fine and happy with only seeing your face on her phone screen once a week.