Driven by my never ending insecurities I make wrong choices which only lead me to failure. I make the one mistake after the other, I start crying, I get lost, I feel like I am drowning, I start shaking from pain, I am dying inside, I lose my will to live, I am just surviving. In the end I manage to regain my confidece by keep saing to myself that at least I learned from my mistakes only to find that in fact I am still learning. My friends are non existed, my parents don't take part in my happiness they try to ruin it instead, when I need them the most they leave me alone or even worst they blame me.

What kind of life is this? Is it supposed to feel like hell most of the time? Why am I being testes so hard and constaly without having a break? Is it really my mind the only thing to blame? For how long can I survuve with this mentality? For how long can I keep surviving?

I believe that there is no such thing as demons inside of our head. What brings me down each time is the fact that the direction that I took won't leade me where I want to end up. I wish it was easy to change, to leave everything behind and start over, but my mistakes won't let me. You might believe that one can always leave everything back and start over no matter what. Well that requires mental strength, supportive friends and most of the times money. I don't have any of the above as I managed to lose all of them with my mistakes.

I stopped living two years ago. Since then I am just surviving.