I am not fine.
I am not fine cuz of you. because you are so...not you lately,and when I come to you...well are just not there,you know? you dont.
Because thats what you keep saying everytime I wonder how are you if I did something...because I am not stupid buddy, I KNOW you, and right now this is NOT you.
You know the feeling when you think...this wont happen to me, it isn't a thing that happens.
Some things do happen.
I never thought my best friend would make me feel like that, I never saw us in this place.
Because this is SO not us. And you kept saying "I dont know what are you talking about,we had always been like it"
Were we?
Good to know.
Good to know that all of this friendship was just in my imagine, good to know that you didn't really listen to me, that you ditched me, that you looked at me so blankly and so bored cuz I never saw that. I always saw smiles,someone who listens,someone who fucking REACT someone who is human.
But...you keep saying "I am a robot then okey? I dont have feelings; i dont react or some shit"
I know you. You are so soft and kind...you are everything BUT a robot; you keep lying to me...to me! to your lil buddy. to the person who you would cuddle hug tell her i miss you. you are just...a robot?
I dont buy it.
and the hardest part for me in all of this shit...is seeing you changine infront of my eyes,from a good person you just became cold...and everytime people will ask me what did I do to YOU while...you did the death for me. And none cared. Do you know how bad is it to see you everyday looking like shit knowing that if I will come to even ask how are you..you will give me the hardest time of my life? And do not deny it. Because you know it's the fucking truth. I will never understand what passed between us...never.
But I know all you said were excues...cuz now that I let you go...I see your real self again. And I am hurt...because I think I am the reason you were that sad all the time.
You still do not say goodmorning or hey...you still dont look at me...like I hurted you. I said sorry,I asked, I wondered...but you did nothing, so it's all on you.
I am happy to see you happy. But I am not fine.

---- this is for my ex best friend. I hope you read it, maybe you will know it;s about you. maybe u wont. the point is...I just needed to put it out there.