FRIDAY AUGUST 18, 2017

Leaving you is going to be probably the hardest thing I will ever have to do in my life. I still have a little hope that things will work out, but every time you hurt me makes that chance less likely to happen. It just seems like it bothers you to have me as a girlfriend, like having to speak to me or hear how I feel is so tedious for you.

I told you how I felt, how you were hurting me… but it was like you didn’t understand. You just said I wasn’t the center of your attention all the time and that I was basically ruining your good time. Who says that? Who tells that to someone that loves you and is hurt by your actions?

After that conversation it seemed like my world had just fallen apart. You said you didn’t want to talk about it, so I left the conversation there, thinking that maybe you would talk to me when you were ready. Each day was misery, I couldn’t stop thinking of you and checking my message box.

I decided to give you the time you needed. Not to speak to you was probably one of the hardest things to do while watching you comment on other girl’s pictures instead of just saying hi to me. I fell apart more times than I can count, but I didn’t let my friends or family see me like that, I “had to be strong”. Even when I confide in two of my closest friends I didn’t cry although I felt like my heart was breaking inside.

Later on I discovered that you said we were currently “not good” to some random girl you just met. It isn’t hard for me to picture why you said that… but why would you bring that up? My mind is spinning and I feel my heart pounding almost out of my chest. Do you even want to work things out? “Things that happen”, you said.

I am not mad that you hang out or speak to girls or friends that I don’t know, it is just that you abandoned me, you left me on my own, all by myself thinking what I did wrong. Did I do something wrong, did I hurt you? Why am I not enough for you anymore? Our anniversary is coming up and I am here writing this without being able to tell you how I feel because I am scared as hell you won’t care