Hey everyone!

This is another "real talk" article I decided to write and it's not a fun one (sorry not sorry).

I used to self harm. Before I go into details, I want you to know that self harm is not just cutting. There are many ways a person can injure themselves like hair-pulling, burning, pinching, scratching, punching and so on.

The first time I self harmed was in primary school. I was very young and stressed out and I started to scratch and bite the skin around my nails and I did it until I bled. It was a habit of mine for quite some time. Then I took a step farther. I used some sort of a needle to make a line on my left wrist. It didn't leave a scar and I only did it a few times throughout those years.

I didn't imagine it would get worse in high school. I was depressed af. I was drinking a lot, I had a broken heart, I wasn't happy with my appearance, I didn't study, I was fighting with my parents all the time etc. Typical teenager? I don't think so. I was cutting myself a lot. My arms were the worst. Legs, belly, back, shoulders. I also cut my boobs at one point. I used razor blades, scissors, knives, needles, pins...

I actually loved it. I know it sounds twisted but I can't explain it. It's like an addiction. I liked the pain, the blood and the scabs, but I didn't like the scars after. Not because I would have them for the rest of my life but because of other people. I'm still ashamed of them after all these years. I know I shouldn't be but I don't want to be judged because of them. I am not that kind of a person anymore. I can't even remember the last time I self harmed but the urge is still there sometimes. I would still probably be doing it, if it wouldn't leave a scar.

Alcohol was (or still kinda is) a big deal for me as well. I would self harm while being drunk too. I wanted to brand myself with a hot object once. Luckily that didn't leave a mark. I would also punch a wall until I had bruises on my knuckles. It felt great. I guess I could say that drinking is a form of self harming as well, but that could be a topic for my next article.

I hate the fact that people still judge self harmers like they're crazy and they want to avoid them. That's not the right approach. If you are dealing with self harm or you know someone that self harms, please seek help. Talk to a doctor or talk to your friends, family, boyfriend/girlfriend, whatever. Things will get better. Time will make it happen. I know that might sound hypocritical of me because I still get urges sometimes, but at least I'm not doing anything about it. I'm trying to stay strong.

I'll be posting another article soon about self harm alternatives. Check it out and think twice before you do anything that you could regret for the rest of your life.

Thank you for reading.