Dear Dad , One of my best friend told me to write you a letter so I can express myself. But no words can explain the way I’m missing you. I don’t know if this letter will show you how much I miss or how painful it is to wait for something that never comes back. You know ,I could write a f*cking novel about the pain I feel of missing you , because it doesn’t matter what I’m doing ,I always catch myself thinking of you , no matter what time it is , where I am , what I’m doing , you’re always on my mind. I always ask myself if only I could have made you stay , if only I knew what I know today , then maybe you had been with us still today because if you were here , things would be totally different but this f*cking cancer took you away. It’s horrible when I think about it , you suffered so much ,and you felt so much pain but you always tried to hide it from us but I remember the day when you couldn’t hold it anymore, and you start crying... I saw it coming but at the same time I didn’t because I didn’t believe the world could be possibly that f*cking cruel , it was the worst thing I ever saw in my life…Omg seems like this scene happened today...
You never said good-bye or that you were leaving, we lost you suddenly, unexpectedly, and it was the time were I realised that everything can fall apart so quickly. There are no words to tell you just what I feel inside , the hurt,the sadness,the loneliness,the anger ect.. You don’t know it , but I cried a million times ,because I need you , I miss you when something really good happen ,because you’re the one I want to share it with , things keep happenig and I always find myself wishing I could tell you about them but you’re not here anymore… You certaintly reached a better place but I still do and give everything to see you one more time , just for a second so I could tell you how much I need you and how hard everyday has been without you because when I was little you taught me to walk,taught me to smile , you were my hero ,you believed in me, you always said that I'm the best girl in football ,you loved me and cared so much .. You know, life would be so much easier if you were here because I don't know if you're proud or disappointed in me or if I'm making the right decisions in life ,I'm so lost ,I really would do anything to get you back.. If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died ,because we love you more than everything Daddy ,in my heart you hold a place that no one could ever fill no matter what!! I know that things will never be the same and all thought it hurts so bad, but I smile whenever I hear your name to show you how proud I am that you were my Dad. But it's hard Daddy ,because everytime I think of you and about all the memories, I can't accept the fact that I'm not able to see you again , maybe one day we'll meet again, maybe there is life after death but now you're not here , you're gone forever and I know that there is nothing somebody can do that is going to bring you back.. So I just miss you and try my hardest to be ok with that and live another year without you...
Everyone keeps giving me advice about moving on but no one considers that maybe I don’t want to , because I’m afraid , I’m afraid that I will forget about you. I’m afraid that the memories will slowly fade away.I’m afraid of losing you even though you’re not here one earth. I'm afraid because I have the feeling that I'm getting used to knowing you're just a name without a face, I'm afraid to forget all the memories we've been through, I’m just afraid… You know sometimes , I’ve still got the stupid idea that you will come back and that you will stop this pain ,and fill the void , the emptiness that’s left inside our hearts when you were gone. I made myself mad waiting for you and I just can’t keep doing that . I'm so mad at myself for not saying the things I could have said a million times, I take for granted the days I spent doing nothing when I could have been with you. You have no idea how hard it is to force myself to stop thinking about you , sometimes , because the fire is burning inside of me , I really want to know why did God have to take you ? Why couldn’t he have waited ? Why did you leave us ? Why did you leave me ? Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?
I could never tell you how much you mean to me or that you were the best dad..
You know,last time I was in a wedding , and at the end the singer said , « Come on all the girls stand up and pick up your dads to dance… ». I saw all the girls dancing with their fathers ,and believe me daddy , I never felt something like that , I was about to loose my mind, nobody knows what I felt inside , it was just too much. A part of my heart was ripped out of my chest.. It was just horrible , it felt as if I was starting the entire grief process anew or as if I was confronted with the death for the first time… I hope I will never feel that again…
I keep hoping that things are gonna go back to the way they were but clearly that's not gonna happen. I know you can’t come back and everytime I remember that I feel like someone stabbed me deep into my heart and it hurts a lot and everytime more.You have to know that times changes nothing Dad, because I miss you as much today as I did the day you died ,every time someone says your name it's like the pain and the memories come back and that's when I lose control over my tears because I had such a good time with you and I know there will never be memories like this , so thank you so so much and I hope you're okay there were you are. I wish I could give you one last hug so tight to show how important you are to me but if I had only one wish ,I would have wished to bring you back to life... Daddy please come home ,we need you , I need you..
Love you so much. I.M