I loved the feeling, that's all. There weren't really love, just emotions. For my defense very powerful emotions. The way he looked at me. Or the way I thought he looked. Right now, I'm not even sure. Every time when our eyes met, my heart stopped. Every time when we had these small conversations I felt like I couldn't breathe. And despite all of this, I also felt more alive than ever. This all felt so special. It turns out, that it wasn't as special as I had thought after all. Why? Because there were others. Even now, I still can't really believe that you and she had the same thing that you and I had. I still can't believe that I felt so happy, so free, so...in love and it was all for nothing. Why did you smile to me so lovely? Why did you talk to me so many hours? Why, if it all meant nothing to you. You were just nice. You were nice with all the other girls also and that is the reason why I'm here. I believed your smile, your hugs. I just loved the attention you gave me. Well, that's over now, but you still smile at me. You still give me these warm looks and it's killing me. But I'm okay because I have to be okay. I can't fall apart. Deep down I hate myself, but every time you are around me I feel the shadows of these big emotions I once had. And these shadows are warm and cozy ones.