It's almost 12 A.M, and suddenly I have this 'overthinking' habit that I'd developed since a decade ago.

I used to be very timid in school. I'm so reserved to the point I don't even open my mouth or let out my voice for few days. I'm a loner (I still am). I'm everyone's joke especially at school. Even teacher doesn't seem comfortable being around me. I always sit at the back of the class, just another typical situation for me. I don't want to be the center of attention, but I always am. Why? Because kids are surprise how someone so 'taciturn' like me, can achieved straight A's in every subject. When they started to find out my family background (my parents are immigrants), they started to pick on me. Even teachers are hating on me for no reason. Of course not everyone hate on me, few of them try to be friend me, but sadly I rejected them.

I cannot sleep at night. This 'overthinking' mess start to affect my life in some way. I went for counseling to cure 'the other me'. It's not easy I should say. I start to rebel, and that led to another problem, an 'addiction'.

Year passing by, I was slowly accepted by kids at school. All of sudden the teachers who used to 'mock' me suddenly want me to represent the school for some 'smart kid' competition. I have LOTS of FRIENDS. Life is good at the time. I was happy, like really HAPPY. I started to become more positive by day. My parents were PROUD of me. And suddenly I realized, I've wasted my time on such 'BAD' thing for too long. It took me 3/4 years to finally realized that I just want to fulfill my childhood dreams. One of them is be HAPPY. I want to bring happiness to my parents, to my 3 younger brothers. I can't do that if their BIG SISTER stick with 'the other one' all along. They stick with throughout the TOUGH journey. I was very thankful that I finally found myself.

Now at the age of 23, I've changed. It's a very tough journey. Taking my DIPLOMA in FASHION DESIGN is the proudest moment of my life. Few years before I wouldn't want to step on stage, to receive the PRICELESS scroll. I started my job as FASHION DESIGNER right away at one of the biggest fashion brand in Malaysia. Life is GOOD.

It's already 12 A.M. This 'overthinking' now led me to sweet dreams. Well I dream of MONSTER sometimes but it's OKAY. I finally able to defeat the 'MONSTER' inside me. 😊

NOTE FROM ME : To those who is suffering right now, I know it's not easy. I know it's hard to open up yourself to someone else, afraid they might not understand you fully. I've experienced that. Actually this is my first time open up about this matter publicly. I want someone who is currently suffering, will read this, and start to change. Hey beautiful, YOU CAN DO THIS ❤️❤️❤️