We really need to talk. Yeah, exactly you and me.

You're browsing all these motivational quotes and empowering pictures of study spaces, don't you? You're looking at women with the perfect Bikini body and think you'd be lucky if you just looked like her, don't you? But you're a fat, lazy piece of sh*t that believes discipline is key and that you can reach anything you want to if you sacrifice whatever is your worst character trade. So listen to my story and I'll tell you that perfection almost killed me. Literally.

In school I've always been one of the best students of my year and i graduated last year with a 1.0 (which is the German equivalent to a 4.0 GPA). I've always been a good girl, I never drank, never smoked, never went to parties. I didn't sleep with anybody and was pretty good at my chosen extracurricular (I'm still in a Shaolin Kung Fu club where I'm also a coach and in fact the boss on the paper but that's just to point out that i've been quite fit, too).

But still I was missing something. I was depressed for many years and used to harm myself in different ways (physically as well as mentally) and more than once I was close to suicide. I just couldn't figure out what I was living for or what was the point if I couldn't improve anymore, it would just get worse year by year. So eventually I hoed around and started drinking, etc. the summer before college. I'm now one year in and starting over because I didn't like the subject I chose.

What I learnt in the last year of living on my own, competing with a lot of good students (I studied biomedicine, which has kind of high entry requirements) and getting turned down by a lot of people I thought that were my friends, was that it just doesn't matter if you screw up. It doesn't matter whether you're perfect. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER. The only thing that matters is being okay with it. If you're fine with a C, it's fine. If you hate working out, don't do it. It's fine. If you love food, eat it. The point is to not completely waste yourself. Which means don't waste your time doing what you hate just for shallow reasons (and also means don't do nothing).

Do what you love. And if you don't know what you love (like i didn't know), just try everything. You'll find it. I'm super into hand crafting, baking and vintage lifestyle now, but I also love working out for the endorphines, not for the body. I love getting drunk af once in a while. I love dancing, reading and sex. And I'm not ashamed of anything I m anymore. My scars are covered by big ass tattoos and I love it.

Long story short: Don't believe this discipline and perfection bullshit. You don't need to have perfect grades or a body you can show off. F*** other peoples' opinion. If they don't like you, they don't matter. And if you forget to have fun you'll spend your best years for a dream that now seems incredibly nice but in fact will bore the hell out of you. Trust me. F*** these motivation gurus. Just f*** it. Stay true.