All those posts about love that said "I can't find you in other kisses" and all the stuff were right. Completely right.
I have been loving you in secret for such a long time, my friend. I have kept my ways, take care of my manners, improved the aspects of my life just to be perfect for you. I ordered myself not to get drunk at parties because you don't like that. I ordered myself not to kiss unknown boys like girls my age do, because you are the one that I love, because I respect myself and because you don't like it.
I ordered myself to follow "the good path" not only because of me, but because of you too; you are my example of a good person, my model and idol, my inspiration to be better.
But life hit me hard, sometimes I felt like dying and I know that's not excuse to walk away of everything I had built. I'm a person even though I demand a lot from myself. I got exhausted of it, of trying to be perfect, so I tried to convince me of the importance of giving up on you...and the main reason? You don't love me back. You love me like a friend. You are the only one I'll ever truly love, but I don't think we can have a future together.
So, like I was saying, I gave up on you.
I kissed other guys. I gave my first kiss to someone I didn't love. Then I kissed another. I got really really drunk the following week to the night we talked about how bad is getting drunk.
And what do I have now? I don't know if I'm ashamed or if I regret those nights. But what I know, is that I haven't forgotten you, I haven't erased you from my heart. I've done things girls my age do, yes, that makes me "cool". The fuck not. I'm not cool, I'm sad. Because I don't have you, and I don't have me. I put so much weight on your shoulders and you don't even know... 1)because it's unfair for you and 2)because my love could ruin our friendship.
Such a cliche I am. But it's so maddening this love. I can't be happy kissing other guys when I didn't kiss yours. I can't start any relationship if he's not you.
How do I tell myself to stop loving you if you are the one who bring my bright side.
Oh my God, help me with this.
Oh dear me, I hope I survive to this crazy and powerful love I can't skip anymore.
Girls my age may not understand how this happened. Girls my age can't imagine how you can make my heart jump with joy every time you are talking to me. Any human may not believe that I truly love you.
But I always do, although you don't.
I always will.
Like I always did.