Just because your hip bones don't protrude out your skin, doesn't mean you don't have an eating disorder. Much to the disappointment of hundreds of kids out there telling themselves they're dieting. you are not. Eating disorders matter whether you are skinny or not.

when I was 12, I was bullied into an eating disorder. How can a 12 year old have an eating disorder? welcome to the 21st century, we're pretty fucked up if you didn't notice.

When you wake up, what's the first thing on your mind? Okay, I'll be the first to say- it's my stomach. when I wake up and sit up feeling the fat on my stomach I can't help but imagine what it would be like without it. What's the first thing you look at when you see yourself in pictures? Because I look straight at my legs and imagine what it would be like to have skinny legs like the girls have in all the pictures on here. What's the first thing you think when you see yourself in the mirror? because I can't bear to look at my reflection to the point where I covered all the mirrors in my room and avoid looking when I can't cover them.

For years, I told myself that being 'self-conscious' is normal. But that is not normal. that was the making of a bulimic turned anorexic. that was the making of a depressed person. that was the making of someone who hated themselves so much that they couldn't look at themselves. and the fact that the majority of you felt the same way as that is even worse.

For years, I told myself that it was a diet. that I was skipping all breakfasts and lunches because I'm 'just not hungry'. That throwing away the lunches that my mum made for me in the bin in school or pretending to buy food and lying to her that I ate food was just saving her feelings. For years, I changed in the toilets stalls instead of the changing rooms for sports because I 'liked the space'. Wake the fuck up. the only feelings your saving is your own. I secretly knew that what I was doing was wrong- why else would I lie to everyone including myself?

I eat just some fruit as a meal. I drink glasses of water until I want to throw up before a meal so I eat as little as possible food. I chew gum when I'm hungry instead of eating. I like and post pictures saying '1 heart = 5 sit ups'. I took cold showers because I used more calories than a warm one. I eat 'vegan' food because it was 'healthy'. I followed religiously those posts that said 'you're not hungry, you're bored'. I followed fitspo. I only eat 'organic' and 'raw' food. I avoided restaurants because It was 'unhealthy'. I constantly watch those 'what I eat in a day' videos from those beautiful YouTubers who seem to have everything. I followed their advice of 'exercise when you're hungry and you won't feel hungry'.

This is an eating disorder too. do you really think a fruit salad is a meal? Because it's not a meal. Do you really think just because it's 'vegan' it means it's healthy? It's not. what's healthy is eating protein, carbs, fat, sugar, salt, fruit and veg every day. Being vegan requires having in depth knowledge about nutrition, not listening to someone bullshit by the likes of freelee or YouTubers talking about cell walls absorbing this and that etc. veganism requires science (btw we don't have cell walls- plants do). vegan does not = healthy. Why do you watch videos of girls daily meals? Because you want to emulate them. It may shock you but the feeling of hunger is not boredom. It is your body needing sustenance- why the hell are you ignoring it? because that is not healthy.

There are hundreds of girls out there starving themselves and calling it veganism and healthy. a smoothie is not a meal. Eat just that- fine. but it is an eating disorder. you are not healthy for eating vegetables. don't lie to yourself.

It will take years for older generations to understand the mentality of a millennial. It will take years for us to understand ourselves.

I still skip meals sometimes. I still suck up my stomach to see what it would look like to have a flat stomach. I still hate having my pictures taken. But not as much anymore.

I'm not saying go and call a helpline and get help (I'm also not saying don't). as a stubborn bitch, I refuse to get help because I have far too much pride and can see why others wouldn't. But you are skipping meals. you aren't eating what you should be. Self-loathing shouldn't be normal for us. However, just because what you have may not have an official name, doesn't mean it's not an eating disorder. Just because you don't starve yourself all the time, just because you don't throw up in the toilets, doesn't mean what you're doing is normal or healthy.

As a generation, I'd say we're pretty fucked up. I stopped self-harming. I stopped feeling like I was a worthless piece of crap. I stopped feeling like curling up into a ball and crying because I was so depressed. but I'm still a bit depressed. I have bad days. I have good days. I have awful days. But the first step to not wishing you were dead, is to see the world and yourself as it is. Look. because nothing is wrong until you see it yourself.