My parents are getting divorced. and I don't know who to blame.

After being married for 16 years, now, when they have three kids, one who isn't even old enough to understand 'mummy and daddy have an amicable relationship, but we want to do different things', they decide to divorce. Don't know what amicable means? neither did my 9 year old brother.

After years of being the fucking adults in the family, raising my little brother when my parents were too busy going on trips to 'appreciate each other', after years of going to parent's evenings in school because they forgot our existence, after years of covering their asses when the teachers are concerned about the lack of parents in our life - we've had enough.

If I ever had kids, I would never treat them the way they treat us. But I would also never want them to stay in a loveless relationship.
When parents think we don't hear them arguing, passive aggresively making comments about how the dinner is cold because dad took too long coming back from work, all the 'where were you? work finished hours ago', all the 'think of the kids', all the 'stay out of this, you're too young to understand' - you can fuck off.

How hard is it to understand that you don't love each other, probably never did and are so blind to the fact that their marriage was over when it started and we had front row seats to watch them desperately try to sustain the illusion.

We don't have to understand why parents get divorced. or why they act the way they do. because we can't.

It seems like the most selfish thing in the world to get divorced. it seems like the easiest thing in the world to want to scream at them for doing this to you. How dare they not think of others and how it would affect them.But all we can do is put ourselves in their shoes.

Maybe they're actually the most selfless people in the world for staying together for 16 years for the sake of their kids. Maybe they can't see how they affect you. But after staying in a dead relationship, I can assure you that they wouldn't want to deliberately want to hurt you.

When they said that awful thing to you- sometimes it's easy to guilt trip them. But they're human. and so are you. They have bad days, awful days in fact. Just because they're older, doesn't mean they're immune to lashing out on the people who are there. Keying cars, smashing windows, sabotaging new relationships all because I was pissed that they finally put themselves first after years of doing the opposite.

As a human now, you have to ask yourself, what would I want them to do? would you scream at them because mum is staying somewhere else for awhile? would you scream at them for not loving eachother? would you scream at them for something which isn't their fault?

I'm pissed off at them - and I will be for while. But I also don't blame them or myself. because it's no one blame to take except human nature.