It's 4 PM..
and I'm sitting in this room..
Alone.. Again.
And I'm thinking about every little problem I have. Every little thing that's wrong with me..
I'm sitting in this room..
Crying..
And no one knows.
Nobody knows about the little melt downs I have when I'm alone. They only know about the smiles and laughs I show them.
No one knows how many times I've cried in my room when no one was watching.
Nobody knows about the thoughts that go through my head when I'm sad..
How terrible they are..
Even when I'm happy the sadness is still there, lurking behind the happy thoughts, just waiting to show itself again.
I feel it in my head but I don't want to disturb this happy moment so I don't let the monsters say hello.
Everybody only sees the boring,normal,quiet,shy girl and thinks that's everything I am. The girl who that seems to be happy and okay because she doesn't talk about her feelings right?
I mean I'm not sad all day..
I'm not depressed.
Honestly far away from that..
I can still smile and laugh. And not just fake smiles.
I enjoy nice days and have fun..
But when I'm alone in my room..
or even alone in a crowd of people..
There are these moments..
Where the sadness engulfs me.
And I overthink.
The monsters come out.
I'm not depressed.
I've just been sad for a while..
and will be for a while..
But I can still find the light and hide the monsters.
I am stronger than them.
But sometimes..they still come back..

I feel like I'm not fitting in everywhere I go. Everything I say seems to be wrong ..
Then I think maybe it's better if I don't talk at all.
But oh yeah right..
that's wrong, too..
I'm sitting in this room..
lonely.. again..
Being lonely doesn't just mean having nobody next to you..
It means feeling sad and night
(or in the middle of the day..)
and realising you can't talk to anyone without having the constant fear of annoying them..
It's being surrounded by so many people and feeling like you don't even belong to them,
or anywhere in this world..
Some people tell me I will never be alone.
But wow look ..
I am here.. and they aren't.
I am alone. But I'm used to it.

I just want it all to end.
I'm sick of crying and screaming
in this room where nobody hears me.
But I think I just have to deal with the monsters in my head and move on.