Talking.

It's a fling, not a relationship. It's like looking up words in a dictionary that you come across here and there, not reading an encyclopedia to know one thing. It's where hope is at the end of the road in your mind, not reaching that goal and feeling successful.

This is talking. And nothing good can ever come from it. Nothing.

I wish I could go back in time to change everything. If I did that, I wouldn't put so much effort into knowing him. I wouldn't shed so many tears when obstacles were in our way and he did very little to remove them. I wouldn't call him my best friend when he didn't treat me like one. I wouldn't be hurting so much from his silent rejection

People told me that someone else appeared in line before our photoshoot. I refused to believe them because he told me in a repetitive manner that I was the one. I was the one he liked.

I was the fool.

I was the fool until my eyes slowly opened to reveal what was in front of me. Maybe a friendship with him was all that we needed. A relationship with him was probably not the best idea.

So I found someone who seemed better. And I told him. He claimed he was happy for me but promised to kick my boyfriends ass if he ever hurt me. We shared a laugh.

I wish I could've kept laughing when he posted that picture of his girlfriend on Instagram. My heart wouldn't be hurting so much at the sight of her.

She was prettier than me. Much more confident in every action she possessed. Played both sports he cherished while I cheered for him on the sidelines in my skimpy cheerleading uniform. Older than me and had a body where rolls didn't seem to exist. She was better than me in every way.

Even though I had moved on, it still hurt like a bitch. Why, you might ask?

Because he wasn't honest with me. He claimed that we were best friends but don't they tell each other everything? In the time they were together, he messaged me here and there to see how I was doing. Not once did he mention the girl. He kept her hidden from me. Just like his true feelings about our relationship status.

I felt pain all over for days. It hurt knowing that I wasted a year and a half on someone who didn't feel the same at some point. It hurt knowing that I pushed others away for someone as shitty as him. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt.

It hurt because I chose to talk to him for my sake. If I had avoided this a while back or actually followed the warning signs, would I feel this much pain?

Who would've thought talking to someone could make you question your decisions?