I was thinking that people that are reading my articles or just see them may think it’s strange to see a girl doing Muslim article but do not have the most obvious sign of commitment. I did mention on an article that it’s not that easy to wear it and that even if I do, I consider myself as very concern because is my religion. So I guess here are my stories toward the hijab.

When I was young, in elementary school, I already thought of start wearing it in high school. My mom doesn’t wear the scarf, which can seem a little bit strange. Anyways, I was already started to say that I would like to start wear it. Then, at 15 years old, I watched women wearing hijab and I thought that I wanted to do the same thing. I told my mom that we should start wear it together (if she wanted). I am Arab, and having as answer: yes, yes… REALLY PISSED ME OFF. What I did? I wear it. My mom didn’t approve my choice. She kind of harassed me to take it away. Outside she was trying to get it off, she was intimidated me and she was crying. We were crying. At this time also there was a lot of terrorism and she was scare that some aggressed me. After a week, I took it off. It was during spring week so not a lot of people knew except my close friend at this time. I also put it again month after during school. It keeps getting on my mind. It was a little girl school. Everyone saw me (but it doesn’t matter). People were surprised and one of my close friends at this time was really there for me. She listens to me. She helped me. She makes me feel better. She just says the right thing. I put it off day later again. Then it’s kind of become a fear. I don’t want to do the same mistake again. What if I take it off again? It’s truly heart-breaking. Am I good/pure enough? Am I ready? How do I tell it to my family?

At the end, I believe (and I know it’s kind of haram to say that), but that I should wait. Wait for two thing: first, I want to know well my religion which I didn’t at this time, second, I want to be enough mature towards my parents to feel emotionally well ( and honestly, just wait for my mom to understand that I’m not a little girl anymore and this is my choice.)