Hello, beautiful soul
I had my therapy session today and I left it feeling inspired in a deep way. If you have social anxiety or general anxiety, then you know how walking on the street can be quite exhausting. However, as I was making my way back to the railway station I felt at peace inside, although a little bit anxious. I also felt for a period of time like my anxiety was gone which was amazing.

The main reason I'm writing this is because I want to help people with mental health issues. Perhaps you have anxiety or depression, which also I suffer from. I am so sorry if you have to deal with them. It is such a heavy burden. Mental pain is different for everyone, and it can't be measured but it is a heavy pain to carry around. I want to share my honest thoughts and realisations about my depression and anxiety, in order to give hope to anyone reading. You can get better, you can heal from them, you can enjoy your life. And it doesn't have to happen in one step and it most probably won't. I believe that I have to take many steps towards getting happier or more at peace. The steps might be little, but they are getting me on.

The reason why I had less anxiety today was because of my therapy session. Our topic for the day was living in the moment. The therapy form of my therapy is kind of bodily also, so we do these movement "exercises" where my therapist asks me how I feel about some movement, for example. It's weird how during my therapy sessions I solve things inside my own brain and how I can make conclusions.

I think a lot and I feel a lot. And my brain is messy. I think that I shouldn't think too much. My thoughts can be pretty negative. But I wouldn't say that even when I am my darkest my thoughts would be just horrible. Well, anyway my brain gets in the way of being in the moment. My therapist said to me today that I really don't need to think so much all the time. And that is so true and wise. I could just look at life and be in it, without overanalysing and creating big ideas and thought patterns in my head about it. Just noticing things. Looking at them. Not getting overly thoughtful about it.

One thing I realised as we spoke was that I'm an introvert so I really got that inversion going on a lot. But what if I sort of tried to "extrovert" more? Not in the sense of socialising, but being in continuous contact with the outer world, instead of my own head. This could really help me with my anxiety and it did today. But, as I said, I am an introvert, so it doesn't come naturally. I think I need to just open my eyes more to see that people aren't actually staring at me or something, that people are mostly just people, like me. I know it well. But anxiety is weird.

My anxiety is also the feeling of a total loss of control, intense fear... Basically a bunch of terrible feelings. Adding the depression it's horrible. I am not depressed or anxious all the time, but there are many days when my anxiety kicks in all the time in various forms and my depression is creeping into my mind or fully over me and I feel like I'm dying. Or like I have had an anxious school day and in the evening I fall into my depression. I don't even know how to explain. But I am also happy and sometimes when I'm happy I'm ecstatically happy. Okay that's enough for the description of my moods, but just to give you an idea of some of my experience with these struggles to hopefully help you not to feel alone.

If you made it here, I hope this rambling was helpful, gave you some ideas or hope. I will be making more of these in a more organised form, when I'm less tired. I love you and I care, just know that!