I always believed that i liked myself , that i never had to worry about my self confidence. Until one day , it all vanished ...just like that.I will not reveal my whole story here because this isn't my objective . Im writing this article today because i want to reach out to the people who understand this kind of pain and obstacle i am going through in life . I also want to write these words for people who are willing to listen , the ones that are sitting in front of a screen ,who chose to read this.
Here it goes then ....
I realized i had social anxiety once i couldn't go outside without worrying or wondering what people will think of me . Once i couldn't meet someone for the first time without worrying about rejection or judgement . Those kind of worries , thoughts, hurt me, damaged me everyday , and everyday i try fighting back against those thoughts , to convince myself that I'm overreacting , that i cant let my worries ruin my happiness. Yet i was . My social anxiety was starting to consume my life , my entire being and i was just sitting there , screaming in my head but hiding my feelings behind a smile in reality . At first my loved ones knew nothing, but then little by little my mask was starting to slip , and part of the real me was coming out . That part , the one that was begging for someone to just help or be there for me , it scared my loved ones. They started to pay more attention to my well being and that's when they knew , that i was not ok , despite my constant smiles. Now they know that i am proned to have good days and bad days . That sometimes i want to spill everything in my soul and heart to someone and sometimes i just want to be alone .
I am trying . I am trying to let go of my fears , trying to focus on what makes me happy , but social anxiety is like a shadow . A shadow that i cant get rid of , no matter how many times i step into the light . I can only hope that one day i can just look at my life and not think but believe that everything going to be alright .
So thank you , if you took the time to read this article until the end , i am grateful to you , the very you that's reading this from wherever you are in the world . Also now that i have written my heart out here and now i am definitely willing to hear your thoughts , worries or anything else . So if you feel like it , please write . Even if you don't, i still appreciate you as a human being to another a human being .
Also here's a thought that i believe that everyone one needs to hear every once in a while in their life :
''You're going to be ok , no matter how hard your life gets ,everything will be alright ''