I don't think I will ever fully forgive what he did to me. I never thought I would stay with someone who would do that kind of thing to me.. The Ultimate Betrayal I feel.. and he knew I felt that way. He knew my fears. He saw my tears when I would question hi before I knew. I didn't know but I did. I felt it. I felt the change. I felt the cold. I know he didn't stop loving me and I think that's why I stayed but then I think "Why hurt something you love".. Its been about 6 months since everything hit the fan and came out. I have recovered greatly. But I still think about it every now and then.. every now and then when I am truly happy wrestling with my love I remember what he did to me,

How could I love someone who has hurt me more than anyone has ever? How?
This whole experience has changed me.. for the better.

I learned to be patient. To love myself more. How to be happy just hanging out alone.

In a strange way it made our relationship stronger and greater. Well now that time has past it has.

I have my dark moments. But I have also learned to control my thoughts and emotions.. there is no point in thinking about the past and crying about it. it will not change what happened. Nothing will.
I cant believe I'm even writing this.. I wonder if anyone will even see or relate but it feels good typing this all out.

I have Forgiven Him. People make mistakes.. if it happens again.. I will forgive again but that doesn't mean I have to stick around for another round of unfaithfulness. I can forgive and then try to forget about him.