Okay, so Im going to get real here for a second.
Im about to let you in on my life, things that have happened to me that have hurt. But honestly, things that have happened to me that made me stronger in the end. Today I'll touch the topic of relationships .

To start off with, I am a Christian girl, a God girl. See, people automatically label me the religious, innocent girl. Thats far from it. First of all, my faith in God is not religion but rather a relationship I choose to have. And second, I am far from perfect and innocent. I have made some big mistakes throughout my life, things I regret, things and decisions I wish I could take back. But I can't. I have to learn from them, and thats why I need God in my life to help me in this journey. He's given me a second cheese to redeem myself, he's given me a chance to make myself a better person. And also, aside from that, I now have this mission. This mission is to connect with people who are lost, who feel worthless, even alone, to connect with people who been through the things that I have so I can let them know that they are not alone, that there is a hope at there and I know, because I found that hope. 

Now, even though I am a Christian girl, I have interest and likes. For instance, I am a huge Harry Potter fan. Yeah, like I can watch and read those books and movies over and over and over a million times. I am interested to other peoples interests. I am willing to open up and learn.
Now, this is where the relationship part comes in.

Though I have never officially had a boyfriend, I have had pursuers. You know, guys who are interested in you and pursue you to see if there is a potential for a relationship. Now heres the thing, none of those guys were Christians. I mean they believed in something out there, one of them believes in multiple gods, but none of them really believed in the one and only God. As a Christian girl people would think, "aren't you supposed to date you own kind?", labeling us like some sort of species. The thing is over zealous and over religious Christians (you should know what I mean) tend to give the rest of us a bad name. Maybe I'll get a little more into that later and how people label me so. 

But anyways, it's not only about dating other Christians. See, any guy or girl can say they believe in God and say they are a Christian to get what they want. It's not about saying that they are, its about how they live. And most of the time, not everyone starts off that way, as a Christian I mean. It's a desicion you make and a lifestyle you live. Sad to say, I've known "christian guys" who falsely live the christian life so to gain a popular image with people and especially with girls. So no, it's not merely saying that your are a Christian, it's about how you live and your relationship with God. So no, I was not put off by these guys when I found out they weren't Christians. 

See I had this little fantasy in my mind: perhaps they are not Christian. Perhaps they had a clouded vision of God that was twisted by the hate of the world. But maybe I could help them, perhaps together we could grow in that relationship. Perhaps I could open there eyes and together, grow with God. Then we could get our happily ever after

That was my little girl fantasy. I was willing to go on with them even though they weren't Christian....but of course only if they were willing to do so themselves. And alas, they weren't.

They were not willing to continue down the path with. They weren't willing to make the jump even though I was extending my hand ready to catch. And I respected that. I can't make them change, I can't make decisions for them. So the pursuing ended there. And yeah it hurt like crazy. It made me feel like something was wrong me, it made me feel worthless and undesirable. 

I began to actually change myself for them. I began coming a girl I wasn't meant to be all to please them in what they liked. I was willing to do so. I was slowly letting go of God so I could pursue relationships that were not meant for me. I guess it hurt me the most because I was changing myself for them, that they were to prideful in themselves to do anything for me. When I realized what I was doing, I went back to God, and thats when I asked my pursuers the big question: Are you willing to join me in this journey with God, because I am willing to with you?

Never change yourself for someone. Never mold yourself into their dream person. They should love except you for you: your interest, your beliefs, your flaws. If you are willing to climb that mountain for them, they need to be willing to do the something for you. 

Being a Christian girl isn't easy, especially when it comes to relationships. People may think me foolish for desiring God more than a relationship. But me choosing God over guys who I learned only wanted one thing out me, has never let me down. Yes, there were nights where I cried, but the morning never failed to bring me joy. God never failed to close the doors that were bad for my life and open new doors that lead to new opportunities. 

I learned that yes, there is someone out there for me. Someone that is perhaps going through the something I am. All this that I am going through is just building me up, making me stronger and wiser. That way when God brings us together, we'll know it, and we'll be prepared for it. 

Awhile back I wrote a letter to this person, I call him my Boaz. I posted it too, it's called "My Dear Boaz" And if you have read, these past experiences are the reason why I wrote it. If you haven't, please do read it because it may be a little shining light to you who may be going through the same thing. 
I spent to long chasing and allowing myself to be open with the wrong guys, guys who in the end never really wanted a full on relationship, but saw me as easy and wanted one little thing. Why also did I allow myself to be wooed by such pursuers? Well, the flattery. I was flattered honestly at the fact that someone was attracted to me, and I almost went down the wrong path because of that. Why did I go down the wrong path? Because I let go of God.

So as I said, being a Christian girl is definitely not an easy journey. And I just wanted to share my side of the journey. Life is hard for everyone, I definitely agree with that. But choosing God has given me a strength beyond anything. And I hope that sheds a small light to you that there is a hope, a great hope out there that will help us face the world head on. 

Yours Truly 💮