Instead of just looking for an explanation for everything you want to do , why do it? why not? what will you gain and what will you lose ?
Instead of wasting your mind while thinking of these questions,try thinking about what you want what makes you feel alive and simply do it !
one day you'll realize what's the meaning of everything you've done ..

as Steve Jobs once said :
“You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”