I’m never the one to write about ongoing things. Usually I like to write about them after they have ended and I’m looking at the from a few steps ahead. But this particular thing, this particular feeling, this blip in the confusion and revolving chaotic mess that is my life, this deserves to be written about now, when things are going well and strong, and we remind me of a sailboat on high sea in those days where the wind doesn’t seem to recognize the word truce.
You see, I have never been surer of anything in my life. I never thought it would be like this – we would be like this – but we are and it’s the most amazing feeling I have experienced in my life.
It’s exquisitely beautiful. It’s like everything has been out of focus on the astigmatism that is life and then, then something – someone fully on focus – for the first time, ever, in your life. And you wonder, and you try and when you round the edges so the pictures match perfectly together, and then you realise you fit perfectly.
And you ask, the only thing you can ask really which is “What took you so long?”.
You see, you don’t just miss them on cold days when the only thing in your mind is a blanket, a book and a burning candle on a Sunday afternoon on a cold November night. Or miss them when you’re having fun and they are not anywhere near you and you suddenly realise they are missing for the moment to be the epitome of perfection. You don’t just miss them because they feel like the catharsis of the little bucket list you have scribbled on a bright yellow sticky note.
You miss them like a physical loss, like someone tore a limb off you and you want to use it but you make a double turn cause it’s not there. After they touch you, it lingers. You feel the touch in your skin every time you invoke the thought of them, of that second when they touch your skin and skin runs on skin, and fingers run on forearm to the elbow and then up to the collarbone. It’s deep-seated in you. You feel it, like a path that has been marked on your skin with some type of chemical that leaves your skin tingling all over.
And the sound, that particular sound of rough hands running and feeling soft skin for the first time ever, the distinctive drag of hands through arms
Sometimes, when I have nothing better to occupy my mind with, I try to imagine what we look like, from the outside. Two completely different people who complement each other...